


meet me before christmas day

by thegiftedghorl



Category: Thai Actor RPF, offgun, ทฤษฎีจีบเธอ | Theory of Love (TV), ทฤษฎีจีบเธอ | Theory of Love (TV) RPF
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Eve, Letters, M/M, Slow Burn, slight angst, strangers to friends to lovers?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:02:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 44,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27815779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegiftedghorl/pseuds/thegiftedghorl
Summary: Gun usually spends his holidays going to different places starting from the first day of the month up until Christmas day, meeting tons of strangers, hoping for someone to somewhat fill the void in his life and allowing him to feel things again. As he reached his fifth year doing this 'tradition', he unexpectedly crossed paths with someone who miraculously answered his first wish for the month. He wanted to receive a letter and the person who mistakenly got his package returned it with one.He really does usually spend his time going from one place to another for twenty-five days, but impulsively, that letter suddenly sparked him an idea of making that holiday his most memorable one.
Relationships: Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn/Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat
Comments: 43
Kudos: 68





	1. Day 1: Christmas Sock

_December 1, 2019_

It was a tradition for Gun to spend his Christmas holidays fleeing to different places as he considers it as his yearly escapade from all the things that happened to him all year long.

Traveling and spending his ‘twenty-five days’ stay in a certain place, making unforgettable and spontaneous acts out of the unknown, and leaving inexplicable memories with strangers on those spots eased his way of living for the past 5 years. It wasn’t an easy decision for him to live this way and in exchange of recovering from his past experience to dodge the pain he was about to receive every Christmas of the year. A merry month for all, but an empty and grim one for him.

The time of the year has come and in all honesty, he was a bit nervous for this one. He couldn’t explicate why but the feeling of doing this for straight five years, meeting different people and trying to fill the void he had inside, was a bit tiring in some sort of way, and also scary to think that someone could easily gain his trust and empty him once again.

But as his mantra goes, that’s the most unique and beautiful thing you can experience in life, because you’ll carry that memory for the rest of your life and when you reach that certain point in your future, you’ll look back and think that you at least made one good decision of risking while you still can.

*

His connecting flight to Quebec was a bit delayed so he stopped at the airport café to grab a cup of coffee to keep him awake for the rest of the flight since he still needs to work and submit right on time for his deadlines. He is working for a magazine company. He typically writes review articles and that is a factor why he also wanted to travel to different countries every Christmas. He wanted to capture and collect a good storyline to incorporate it in his crafts. Indulging himself and blending in with the locals was his specialty. You can easily sense that he’s a social butterfly since he is an expert in making good connections with other people.

Out of all the holidays, it was always Christmas that he’d pick to be far away from his hometown because he never really got to enjoy the season at home. The last time he enjoyed it is now too painful to remember. He just labeled that memory with him being a happy kid with the people he thought would never leave his side. But the opposite happened and left a huge scar for him to remember that Christmas wasn’t as “merry” as everybody says.

After hearing the boarding announcement, Gun fixed his things and prepared for boarding. He usually gets nervous when he’s going to another country and this flight isn’t different from his past travels. A slight jitter was spread all over his whole being as he thinks about his journey for the next 25 days, but he was excited for the thrill that awaits.

The plane was slightly smaller, and Gun noticed that the flight was not cramped with people unlike the plane earlier on his first stop, so it was on his favor. He comfortably seated beside the window and waited for the plane to depart. It was his last stop before landing directly to Quebec.

‘Ladies and gentlemen, welcome onboard Flight 4B7 with service from Toronto to Quebec. We are currently third in line for take-off and are expected to be in the air in approximately ten minutes time. We would like to ask you to please fasten your seatbelts at this time and secure all baggage underneath your seat or in the overhead compartments. We also ask that your seats and table trays are in the upright position for take-off. Please turn off all personal electronic devices, including laptops and cell phones. Smoking is prohibited for the duration of the flight. Thank you for choosing Air Canada Express. Enjoy your flight.’

After the pre-flight announcement, Gun shifted to face outside locking his eyes with the tiny droplets of rain that scattered through the airplane window. He felt his eyes become heavy while looking at the sky, but he fought his drowsiness by listening to some music. He was damn tired but it was just an hour and a half flight so he decided to stay awake until his arrival and just get his enough sleep once he checks-in on his hotel.

*

He arrived just in time, feeling the breeze and the unfamiliar welcome of the city. He took some flyers that contains the attractions and whereabouts of the whole place before leaving the airport. He eventually went straight to his hotel to finally sleep soundly since he’s dead tired from his whole flight. I mean, who wouldn’t be? He had two stops and he was also sleep-deprived due to the work he did while waiting for his connecting flights.

‘Welcome to Quebec, Mr. Phunsawat. We are very pleased to accommodate you during your stay here in our hotel. Enjoy your stay!’ The hotel staff smiled widely and kindly as she handed the room keys, making a good impression to Gun since he has been in a quite few hotels that has a service that wasn’t par to his likings, or does not have the service that he considers as “good”.

_Room 713_

Out of all the hotels he booked for the past five years whilst traveling, this by far is the one he’s excited about. He booked the most spacious room he could ever afford of, and it shows as he entered the room. It was wide and has a very good set of interior designs. And the thing he loved the most on that room, was the view he had and the small balcony outlooking at the beautiful city of Quebec. He thought to himself that maybe this stay would turn out pretty well because of the warmth he felt just by looking at the scenery.

Surely enough he had another reason why he picked Quebec for this year’s holiday. The past trips he had before was spontaneous and doesn’t have any sort of symbolical connection with his life, but this one differs. This place holds a special memory, not in his heart, but in his father’s. He was reminiscent of what his father told him about this very city, and the story behind the greatest memory he had here.

*

During his past stays, he does his plans ahead of time setting his agenda to go outside and do various things like shopping, visiting cafes and tourist spots. But a sudden whip of change occurred to him when he suddenly wanted to stay indoors for a while instead of going out clubbing and partying all night long just to get back to his hotel room smelling like a tequila wreck. He felt like he graduated from that phase and wanted to try something new. Something he hasn’t done before.

_'Hey dad, the place in this photocard seems beautiful. Where’s this place at?’ as a nine-year-old, Gun was fascinated with a lot of things. His dad just arrived from work, placing his bag on the table and head straight beside his son. He carried him and seated him on his lap. His dad took a quick pause while looking at the photocard his son found when he was cleaning his study room._

_'That’s where I met your mom.’_

_'Really? This place is so beautiful! What’s it called?”_

_'It’s a park in Quebec. It’s a city in Canada. You know, the place where trees bear maple leaves. That’s where it is.’ Gun, wide-eyed, nod his head as he kept on looking at the card. He’s never been to another country, and at the age of nine, he knew exactly where he wants to go if time permits him to._

_'I wish we could go there with mom.’ Gun frowned. His father faced him and wiped a tear rolling down the child’s cheek. Gun didn’t want to be as emotional as he is right now, but he couldn’t stop thinking about his mom._

_'Okay, how about this, we’ll go there this upcoming Christmas and even though mom’s not with us anymore, we’ll relive moments and make new ones. Then we’ll tell her our stories every night while looking at the moon, because I know she’s up there somewhere listening to our most random spiels and stories. And I’m sure she’s smiling from above. How does that sound?”_

_Gun tried to keep his voice from cracking and his tears from falling._

_‘That sounds lovely.’_

_‘It sure is, son. It sure is.’_

‘It still sounds lovely, dad. Right, mom? Dad?’ Gun whispered as he looked up in the sky and tries to remember some remnants of him and his dad. He was always the sentimental type kind of guy and just in a second, he breaks down into tears. He heaved a huge sigh after wiping his tears and plastered a smile.

‘I’ll relive all of those memories for the both of you. From the falling maple leaf, to the stroll around Parc Samuel-Holland, the café hopping around the busy streets of Quebec, the Christmas socks mom wanted so badly, the exchange of letters that lead the both of you to meet each other, that’s kind of sweet by the way.’ Gun chuckled as he tells his story to the sky, imagining his parents are listening to him. ‘As much as I could, I’d relive it all. Who knows, maybe I’d find someone that’s worth searching for. Just like how you both met.’

Gun may not seem to look like a hopeless romantic, but he dwells in and is a sucker for all the romantic shits and stuff. He believes in chances, destiny, and the lovey-dovey concept of life. He had a couple of flings before, considering the fact that he travels a lot. He is a hot commodity, and a lot of people wants to get to know him better. But of all people, he should be the one to know that all those flings will just vanish and those meetings with random strangers will be replaced as memories after the 25th day of his stay.

He started unpacking and the first thing he got to tick off his list it to buy a Christmas sock his mom always wanted to have. His dad told him this story back when they were preparing for Christmas when he suddenly asked him to buy a sock that has a teddy bear on the middle. His dad was reminded of how his mom badly wanted to have a certain Christmas sock that was only available in this country, so he decided to buy it online since he still lacks energy to go outside because he’s still lacks sleep.

As he was sound asleep, his package arrived earlier than expected. But there was a slight problem.

The package was delivered to the wrong room, which is the room beside his. It also happens that the person from that room is expecting a package so he gladfully accepted the delivered box thinking that it was his package.

But clearly, he didn’t expect to receive a huge Christmas sock. Thankfully, there’s a note alongside the package and it was addressed to the right room number, so he headed straight outside Gun’s room. He knocked on the door thrice but there was no answer from the latter. Of course, he intended to formally give the package he took mistakenly. But he was interrupted when he received an urgent call, so he just left the box in front of the door.

_*_

Gun woke up feeling groggy as his fifth alarm starts waking him up. It was still nighttime but since he’s receiving a package, he tried to set an alarm to be alerted. A text message from the delivery guy got him back to his senses, saying that he brought it to the wrong room. He hurriedly fixed himself and went straight to the door, only to see the box waiting for him outside.

He looks around and there were no signs of people along the hallway, so he just grabbed the box and went inside. It was evident that Gun was too excited while opening his package. It’s like being a kid again, being overly excited because of a certain thing you wanted to have the most. Gun pulled out the sock from the box, but weirdly enough, there was something inside it.

It was a white envelope with a written ‘713’ on the back of it.

_Hi! Uhm so I mistook your package as mine a little while ago. I intend to give it to you formally since the delivery guy told me he couldn’t come back and apologize personally, so I decided that I should do it in his behalf._

_This might look extra, a stranger writing you a letter, just because of slight mistake on a delivery package. Hehe. But then again, I apologize for taking it and peeking through the sock, and I kinda read your note inside it. So I decided to write this one and put it in an envelope since you wished for a letter, which is according to your note._

_Again, sorry for taking a peek at it! Hmm, enjoy your holidays!_

_-Room 712_

In that exact moment, plastered with a sly smile, Gun knew what he had to do.


	2. Day 2: The Exchange

The sun shined too early today and Gun woke up late than usual. He definitely used up his time resting and redeeming his sleep back. After days of finishing his work and submitting everything before the deadlines, he surely deserves a work-free vacation.

Gun got out of bed and prepared his breakfast. He loves cooking. It reminds him of home, when his mom usually starts their day with a simple yet homey breakfast, with him watching her while she cooks. It was his most precious moment with his mom that he treasures the most.

‘Okay, what do we have here.’ Weird as it sounds, but he brought some ingredients and snacks throughout his flight since he plans to stay mostly indoors on this trip.

He settles for pancakes and eggs and while preparing the batter, he suddenly remembered what happened last night. He’s still amazed that the person who mistook his package literally granted his first wish. It was unlikely to believe since usually people will only give the package back and not dwell on to what’s inside the package, right? Nosy as it sounds, but that person ringed a bell on Gun’s head.

His mind went all over the place when he thought about this crazy and unimaginable idea where his neighbor will partake in. And it was a huge favor to ask because it has something to do with him for the next 24 days.

He had this idea after he remembered his father’s flashback of when, where and how did his father and mother met.

At their time, there were no cellphones, no Wi-Fi of some sort, the communication is limited only by calls on the phone booths and mailed letters. So that’s what his parents did that time.

Gun, being the hopeless romantic he is, eagerly wanted to relive giving out and receiving handwritten letters, making communication in a traditional way again. He views it as something that is sweet and screams a lot of dedication on meeting and getting to know someone better.

He was completely out of his mind when he grabbed a paper and pen, neglecting his breakfast and proceeded to write a letter.

_Hi!_

_I’m the guy that is currently staying beside your room, and your letter awed me big time. I didn’t expect to receive one, especially from you since we’re totally strangers. But I kind of decided to write you back because, why not? It might sound weird but we’re just clearly a room away, and I could’ve just knocked on your door, but yesterday you could’ve just knocked on mine too, right?_

_It’s just that I find this letter thingy adventurous. And mysterious. And exciting. Isn’t it? Well, I know you might as well think that this is weird and odd because it’s like I’m waiting for a response from a paper, but that’s what I opt to get. I’m not pressuring you to reply though. It’s just nice to relive this kind of thing, so I did this._

_Okay, enough talk. Uhm enjoy your day!_

_P.S. I won’t tell my name… But I’ll let you know if this continues._

_\- 713_

*

‘Mr. Adulkittiporn, I highly request you to come back here. We need you here at work and things aren’t ----’

‘Off, you bastard! Why did you leave without a note? Where the f----’

‘Mr. Adulkittiporn, we have received twelve packages for you today, may I please know where to send thi----’

‘Mr. Adulkittiporn, I’ll repeat, we need you here back at work---’

Off kept pressing the voicemails nonstop and not permitting himself to listen to every single one of them.

‘Hey, love.’

He was about to press ignore but a familiar voice stopped him from doing so. He felt electrocuted while listening to the last voicemail he received. 

‘I just arrived here at the airport. I’ll wait for you in a week. See you, love!’

Off wanted to listen to that last voicemail repeatedly. He’s definitely out of his zone and his mind is completely blank whilst looking at the ceiling. The voice he was longing for ringed a million times in his head just because of that single voicemail.

It was his girlfriend. Or should we say, ex-girlfriend.

They were supposed to celebrate their fifth anniversary on this very city, and supposedly it was Off’s plan to propose. But unfortunate events happened resulting Off to crumble on their special day.

It took a huge toll on Off and he decided to stay for good in Quebec. He just let all things flow the way it is, even if it’s also affecting the work he left back home. He ignored business calls, neglected some of his friends’ messages. He isolated himself from all the things and people that could probably bring him back from the hurt he experienced.

‘Why aren’t you answering any of my calls since last week?!’ Tay said on the line. Of all the friends Off really trusts, Tay Tawan is the only one he could talk to since he’s the only one who knows Off the most, inside and out.

‘Sorry I just happened to answer your call.’ Off let out a huge sigh after answering.

‘Wait.. What’s with that reaction? Did things go wrong with you and Aom?’ Tay asked.

Off froze. He wasn’t ready to hear that name again. It was a fresh wound, and it still stings him since this is the first time he hears that name again since weeks of avoiding any trace of his supposed to be fiancée.

‘I thought things went well. She posted a picture on Instagram, she was wearing a rin---’

‘She bailed me.’ Off interrupted him and smirked sarcastically.

‘Oh. I’m sorry to hear that.’

‘It’s okay. I mean, she looks happy though. I didn’t expect she would look that happy.’ With emphasis, Off tried to answer Tay’s question as possible since he feels like venting out to a friend so bad.

He may have kept everything inside and it seems like it was a bad idea to keep it all just to himself.

‘So, what will you do now?’ Tay worries about his friend a lot. The last time Off had his heart break, he was nowhere to be found for almost 3 months. He was out of reach.

It was Off’s coping mechanism to isolate himself from everyone and leaves without any notice. He usually goes to other countries, taking a huge breather, being able to free himself from all the suffocations he had inside.

And yet again, he happened to be in this state, trying to fix a huge bug that occurred in his life. It was something he never even expected.

‘I’ll probably stay here for a couple of days more. Then I will rethink and reconsider if I will have the balls to come back home.’ Off said before ending the call. He lazily shut down his phone and continued to stare at the ceiling.

‘How the fuck did I even get here.’ He cursed while his head began rewinding the exact scenario that happened after he landed to Quebec.

*

_November 7, 2019_

‘Babe, I just got out of the plane. Where are you right now?’ Off didn’t got an answer and instead left a voicemail for his soon to be fiancée. He was freezing at this point but he planned to stay at the airport since Aom told him that she would be fetching him once he arrives.

He called and called, but still no signs from his girlfriend.

It was getting late and he didn’t want to stay that long in the airport, considering that he is also worn out from the flight, he took a cab and went straight to the nearest hotel. The leaves were rustling as he got out of the cab, and he proceeded to enter the hotel.

But before booking a room, he called her again and stayed in the lobby for another 30 minutes. He was worried that maybe Aom really went to the airport, but unfortunately he still haven’t received any messages or calls from her.

Aom arrived early at Quebec since Off couldn’t come with her because he had to finish a seminar first before having his leave. So he had to wait for a week before reuniting with his girlfriend to celebrate their fifth anniversary.

An hour has passed and Off was getting drowsy at the lobby area, so he booked a room but the hotel had no slots for a mini suite so he settled for the much more expensive one. He had no choice so he just went with it. Little did he know, that purchasing that room would become handy because he was about to stay there for too long.

*

A week went by and still he got no signs from Aom. He was dead worried that something might’ve happened. So he checked all of her social accounts and luckily she had an update from one of her accounts. He quickly went to the location linked to the photo. It was the brink of the night but he’d go against all odds because he was feeling that something isn’t right. Everything isn’t just adding up.

She promised she would meet him, but where is she now that he’s there?

He took the train and while waiting, he quickly messaged her on her account asking if she even got all the texts he sent her, and that he’s going to her right away.

He ran on the streets, carefully minding its slipperiness, and arriving at the restaurant where Aom’s photo was located at, there he stood across it. Not that far, nor too close, just an ample space to see and hear what is happening right in front of his eyes.

‘This has been close to call, but I’ve been wanting to tell you this for ages. Aom my dear, will you marry me?’ The man on his black coat, with a pushed back hair, gleaming with class and a bit of arrogance, kneeled in front of the love of his life, asking her to marry him in the very city where he’s supposed to do that.

And as if it was on cue, the first snowfall in November began.

‘Yes.’

_It was the answer he’s been dying to hear for._

*

Off thought he could last long not opening his phone back to slightly stalk since it’s been a while since he last visited any of his social media. He scrolled continuously on his Instagram account, gripping his phone while scrunching his nose from what he’s seeing online. Pictures of lovely couples, flexing their engagement rings and endeavors all across the timeline.

Of course he’s pissed off. He was supposed to be in that position too. But in return, what he got was only dejection.

He was lazy to prepare some food so he just called and ordered something from the hotel resto. He ordered his usual and went to his balcony and tried to relax himself while waiting for the food.

With his view he can see a couple of people roaming around the park, but they were slightly microscopic since he’s on the seventh floor of the hotel building. There he saw kids playing with snow, locals having their walk around the park, and couples that are spending time together. He could squint his eyes from that last scenery and he just shrugged it off.

_‘Tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la la la la la la’_

‘A season to be jolly? What a joke.’ While waiting, he could hear faint voices of people doing carols and he was slightly irritated just by hearing it. He wasn’t in the mood to celebrate the season for some reason. And clearly enough, his plans for this trip was ruined all in just one cold evening.

He went inside and just turned on the television, letting its noise surface the room as he closed the doors of his balcony.

His food arrived just in time. The staff was about to leave the room but suddenly turned back and gave Off an envelope.

‘Oh, I forgot sir, this was lying on the floor outside your door, so I supposed this is yours.’

Off didn’t expect any mails today and it was quite odd since no one knew where he was staying except for Tay. He flipped the envelope and finally noticed who the sender was.

He decided to neglect the envelope and dug in his food. But to his curiosity, he reached for the envelope and opened it. He was quite amused how he received a letter back, but still he doesn’t get why the latter chose to reply at his slight mistake.

The envelope and the paper inside smelled nice since Gun had tons of fragrant stationaries, and Off smiled at the fact that the letter was well-detailed and pleasing to the eye. He rarely gets letters in his life because he’s used to being the one giving it to his partners. He may not seem like it, but he has this hidden side of being an old-fashioned man who has a sense of appreciation towards little things like this.

And surprisingly enough, for the first time in weeks, he smiled and felt comforted whilst reading the letter he just received.

*

‘How have you been my lovely friend? How was vacation?’ Alice asked. ‘That green one you should wear it tomorrow if ever you’re going out.’ She pinpointed the blue coat along with its blue slacks.

Gun was busy organizing his clothes on his drawer, while he was on video call with his friends. They’ve been missing Gun always in this time of the year since he’s the only one missing in action whenever their squad throws a celebration every December.

‘It’s just my second day, Alice. Nothing much happened.’ Gun replied.

‘Any cuties or hotties spotted?’ New surely loved gossip. He just can’t wait for Gun to finally find someone that could take care of him.

‘I haven’t been outside since yesterday. I didn’t feel like going out in this trip. I kinda like staying in this hotel room.’ Gun was firm to his agenda of having minimal outside endeavors and just enjoy his stay indoors.

‘Well you’ll miss out on a lot if you just stay there until 25th. I’m shocked your changing your plans at your very age.’ Alice scoffed. ‘I thought you want to meet someone before you turn 28?’

‘I still do. But is that really the reason why I’m here? Remember that I am here because I wanted to fulfill my promise for my parents.’ Gun said earning nods from his two friends.

‘So what do you plan to do whilst being inside that lonely and empty room?’ Alice asked, checking up on the huge space on Gun’s background.

‘It’s not lonely!’ Gun exclaimed. Alice laughed in return. ‘Hmm, maybe I’ll just chill or cook, or whatever.’

‘That’s boring.’ New interfered. ‘What’s the use of going in such beautiful city if you’re just going to sightsee what’s inside a very common hotel room?’

Truthfully speaking, New had a point. He’s not letting his friend get isolated and not experience things that awaits for Gun on his trip.

‘Okay, okay. You both won. I’ll try going out, hmm maybe I’ll do some shopping like what I’ve always done for my past trips.’ Gun surrendered and raised his two hands in the air.

‘Just be careful on your account balance, you wouldn’t want to have an empty pocket again.’ Alice jokingly teased his friend, remembering the trip he had on Japan. Gun clearly spent tons of money on that trip, leaving him empty-handed on his last day, but luckily a tourist saved him and paid for his trip back home since they had the same flight.

‘Alice, shut it. What stays in Tokyo, stays in Tokyo.’ Gun joked back. They still talked about other stuff. Gun told them about the Christmas sock as well as the letter he received yesterday. He was very eager when he started narrating the scenario, but he was interrupted when he heard a knock on his door.

‘Wait, someone just knocked. I’ll just check it.’ Gun got out of bed and headed straight to his door. He peeked at the peephole, but there was no one outside.

‘Gun maybe that’s what you’ve been waiting for!’ New shouted.

‘Did someone miraculously know your room number and tried to hit on you?!’ Both kept on teasing the latter, who is now fazed and stoked on what he saw as he opened his doors.

He went back to face his laptop and get back on call. His friends were also shocked when they saw what Gun was holding on his right hand.

‘I got a letter back.’


	3. Day 3: Coffees and meetings

Gun was out for a walk, finally taking a closer look on how the city was deemed one of the most visited and pleasing cities around the world. It was cold, but Gun was used to this kind of weather so he didn’t dressed up as much. He likes the cold more often. 

After one lap, he sat on the park bench, and there he relaxed himself. He listened to the quiet, and looked at how beautiful the hotel was located at the very center of the whole place. He appreciated how the infrastructure perfectly fitted the location and the ground for it to look pleasing to anyone’s eye.

He always had this idea in mind that there are certain things in our life that perfectly falls on its right place, and not to mention has its right time too. 

_This would really sound weird, and I don’t know what came to my mind, but I just happened to grab a piece of paper and pen to write back. This sounds quite interesting though, and if you mind, I’d be glad to be your guest._

Gun shook his head and grinned as he remembered the letter from the person staying beside his room.

Yes, he wrote back.

And Gun couldn’t explicate how he should feel when he opened the envelope from yesterday.

_Strangely enough, I find it okay writing back to you. It’s like being a kid again. Waiting for something every day, acting excited like you’re unboxing a present. I’m actually liking the spontaneity._

*

Gun decided to go to a nearby café to buy coffee. He intends to stay for a while, feeling the ambiance of the place and just meditate his mind from all the things that keeps on bugging him.

He ordered his usual type of coffee, but something snapped out of his mind.

_I don’t know if it’s okay to say this, this might’ve been a good idea for me to vent out and to tell someone my stories. Someone who is a stranger to me, so I wouldn’t get any judgments._ _So while I’m at it, I’ll just tell you the most random things and stories you’ll ever hear._

 _I_ _actually haven’t had coffee for a while. I used to love drinking coffee, but I stopped recently. Maybe because it caused my heart to beat unnecessarily. Or maybe because I couldn’t digest the fact of not being able to sleep, thinking about all of the things that have happened to me. I don’t know._

_Or maybe it’s the scent it brings that carries thousands of memories I want to erase. The scent and the taste of a classic Iced Latte, with extra two shots. Very specific, huh? The last time I tasted it felt different. I wonder if it’ll taste any differently one of these days._

“Oh, excuse me miss, I would like to change my order.”

*

Gun was seated beside the window outlooking the busy streets of the city. It was quite dim outside so he stayed for a little more while.

Good thing he brought his laptop along with him, he tried to fill the remaining hours working and writing reviews about the city scenery.

His order was different from his usual order, but oddly enough it seemed very familiar. He kinda liked how the extra two shots brings a punch to his palate, keeping him awake for the rest of the day.

Minutes went by and it started to get dark outside too fast, considering the fact that it rained earlier. He ordered something to eat for dinner and while waiting he decided to write his exchange of letter.

He’s still stunned to the fact that the person next door played along with his plan. He was happy to receive the letter back, but is also afraid of what the person may be. He has completely no idea who is he talking to. Leading him to overthink that this person could or may be dangerous or someone that might be a scam or whatso.

But the letter sounded nice and welcoming. It’s like a breath of fresh air for Gun as it is from a stranger, someone who is completely foreign to him. And as a very spontaneous and adventurous person, he would like to dive in for more.

But even though he craves for thrill in life, he also does reserve himself so that he wouldn’t grow any attachment to someone when the time comes. It was a toss and turn process for him.

*

_I assume you’d be wondering what my name is or what kind of person am I. But I am also curious about you too. Maybe that’s another reason why I wanted to write you back. Being able to know that you have zero knowledge about me, makes myself start from scratch in meeting someone._

_Did you know that first meetings are kind of important? It solely encompasses first impressions and many other firsts. That’s what I told myself along this trip, that when I meet someone new, I want our first impression and meeting to be memorable of some sort._

Gun finished his coffee and his dinner arrived right on time. He took the cab since it was too chilly and snowy for him to walk on streets. And another thing is, he’s lazy to do so.

*

Off on the other hand spent his whole time slacking off, listening to music while sketching out something he would find interesting. He settles himself on his balcony and sketched the whole scenery outside. Besides being a corporate communications manager, he also sidelines commissioning his artworks.

He personally wanted to finish architecture, but he was dragged by his parents’ ideals and their so called “dreams” for him. Ever since he was little, all he did was to follow what his parents told him to do. He never got to do something for himself. He had minimal moments with his few friends as he never got to play with them. Even the toys he had when he was a kid was limited to what his parents only allow him to play with.

He was caged from the expectations of people around him. But he isn’t for sure the one to blame. He managed to reach those expectations, purely because he’s the only one his family can count on.

But he’s still a human after all. Bearing all the weight his family put up onto him, you can really tell that it wasn’t an easy road for him. The only escape he had was his sudden travels whenever he’s feeling distant to others and to the world. Not even his parents could get in his way on that matter.

And not to mention, Aom was a big part of his escape in this suffocating and tiresome world. That’s why he dedicated almost all of his time to that one girl, whom he thought would stay by his side for the rest of his life, only to see her being engaged to someone else.

In the end, he still hasn’t got the things he solely wanted for himself.

*

Gun arrived at the hotel past dinner and stopped for a while in front of the door beside his room.

_It would be nice to know your name, as if I was taking the chance of drinking coffee once again. I don’t know if I make sense, or if you get what I said, but this just means that I’m willing to try a few things again. Rekindling old habits and knowing new stuff._

And by that, Gun left his letter on the floor, along with the extra coffee he bought just for him and knocked three times.

He quickly ran to his doorstep and took a quick glance and grinned.

_I might’ve spewed a lot of stories right now, so I’ll stop here. I just mentioned earlier that first meetings are important, right? Would you do me a favor of not meeting me personally for the time being? I don’t think I’m already capable of meeting someone right now. So, I’m asking you through this._

_By the way, my name’s Off. Off Jumpol._

‘You’re definitely an odd one.’ Gun chuckled and entered his room.


	4. Day 4: Questions

There are things in life where you just question everything that is happening around you.

Why are the streets painted gray, while the skies are painted blue? Why does the cold keep on lingering on our skins? Why are the birds chirping early in the morning waking you up without your consent? Why does people always choose to believe in luck and desperately want for more? 

And why is the person you just happened to exchange letters with, continues to surprise you with things that you don’t usually receive and get. And keeps on bugging your mind why that person allows your heart to open up more even if he’s just a mere stranger.

Off blankly stared down at the coffee on the floor. Trying to digest all of the questions he had in mind.

He picked up the coffee and the letter beside it.

He read the writings on the cup and saw that it wasn’t his usual order of coffee. There was a mini sticky note patched to it that says ‘Here’s to your new first. Try to enjoy this one.’

It was Gun’s usual order.

Maybe the boy wanted Off to try something new as per written on Off’s letter. He surely has many ideas in mind when it comes to meeting new people.

_I got you a different flavor of coffee, hoping that it would stir your palate into a much more complex taste. You said that you hadn’t had coffee for quite a while, and as you mentioned your typical order I suddenly wanted to give you a new taste of bitterness, hence the additional sweetness it brings. I order this all the time because I don’t like my coffee to taste peculiarly. I won’t be telling you the recipe, but let me know if you’ll enjoy this mix._

_Oh and Off, I’m Gun by the way._

‘You seem to be smiling a little lately. What’s happening Off Jumpol?’ Tay Tawan was naturally a loudmouth, so Off has no choice but to turn down the volume while they’re on call. Tay has been checking up on his friend, bothering him since he knows that Off just slacks off these days.

‘Your voice, Tawan! Oh please.’ Off rolled his eyes and continued to write his letter.

‘What’re you writing there, buddy? You seem busy. Love letter?’ Tay acted as if he was peeping to what his friend was doing.

‘Really Tay? Love letter? Aren’t I too old for that?’ Off scoffed.

‘What’s wrong with writing a love letter? It’s like you’re back to being a teenager again. And technically speaking, it’s good that you’re moving forward.’ Off stopped writing and dropped his pen for a while. He sipped from the coffee Gun gave him and was shocked at the wave of flavors he just tasted.

‘And is that coffee? Wow Off, you’re definitely moving forward.’

Is he really moving forward? Or is he just looking for something that could possibly fill his self again?

Is that really called moving forward?

*

Being forced to do so, Off went out to buy some groceries the next morning. Tay pushed him to go out so that he can finally inhale some fresh air and see some people up close. Tay feels like his friend was caged for months for not being able to see people and the broad daylight, so he insisted Off to finally step out of his shell.

‘Will this be all, sir?’ Instead of going to the groceries, Off just went to a nearby convenience store because he’s too lazy to grab a cab and go to the local grocery.

He bought the most random ingredients one could ever buy. He probably just put various foods in his basket and doesn’t even know what he is getting. Typical Off Jumpol, he doesn’t really do groceries and buying of foods because he was reliant to fast foods, outdoor bistros, and deliveries.

He is not a great cook. Dare he can’t even lay a finger in any kitchenware. He’d probably be able to burn a house down in any time of the day. He’s the complete opposite of Gun who loves everything that involves food. But it is in fact Gun who pushed him to buy some fresh goodies so he could try something new.

_I see you order a lot of fast food, huh? It’s just my third stay here but every time I walk pass by your door, there’s always a delivery man from sorts of fast-food chains. You’re clearly an unhealthy one, eh? Okay, I’ll admit, buying you that coffee was a slight mistake. I just made you more… unhealthier?? Hahaha._

_Anyways, if ever you have time, try to make yourself some food. Something out of fresh ingredients, start from scratch. There’s tons of easy recipes online. And if ever you need help, you can always say it here in the letter._

‘What the hell is this for?’ He’s now holding a bottle of sesame oil on one hand, and a packet of seaweeds on the other. He surely didn’t have any idea of what he putted in his basket earlier. ‘Is this the same to the normal oil, or what?’

He keeps on talking to himself while sorting out all of the things he bought. He couldn’t think of anything to cook since he picked up different kinds of it. He completely has no idea of what he’ll do so he just forgo the fact of cooking and just skipped lunch.

*

‘Gun, we’ll be doing the Secret Santa tonight, oh how we wish you’re here with us exchanging gifts.’ Alice cried as she shows Gun her gift for her Secret Santa receiver.

‘I surely do miss a lot of things, right?’ Gun smiled a bit and continued typing his latest review article about the snowy episodes in Quebec.

He was fascinated by the fact how people enjoy the snowy days here in the city. The way the breeze continues to gush all over the people as the roads are covered with few lumps of snow. Still, the locals and the tourists liked going out for some good walk.

‘How’s your fourth day?’ New shouted from the background, preparing all the drinks and snacks they have for their mini party.

‘It’s fine. I’m getting used to the place.’

‘How about the people?’ Namtan, his cousin, joins in the call. ‘P’Alice told me you’re currently meeting someone.’ Namtan teased. ‘Alice!!’ Gun was flustered and straight-up glared at his oh so loving friend. ‘Why the hell did you exposed me to my cousin?!’

‘I’m sorry, I was having a good time telling her your escapades, but what should I tell her when you only spent four days inside your room, minus the day you went out for coffee, just to buy a drink for the man who stays in the room right next to you.’ Alice just laughed it out while feeling the intense glare of his friend right through the screens.

‘You could’ve left that story out of the bus, duh?’ Gun pointed out.

‘It was the only worth telling, P’Gun.’ Namtan chuckled and they continued teasing Gun the whole call.

*

_Have you ever wondered why there are so many questions circling upon our heads, rattling out our minds to its extent, and just finding the answers on all things? See, even what I wrote is a question. I don’t know, I feel like these days I have been asking myself what are the answers to my unending train of questions._

_How about you? Do you have the same thoughts about this?_

Off stared blankly at the mirror beside his bed and tried to analyze himself. He started formulating questions in his head on what went wrong about his and Aom’s relationship. He started blurting out ‘why’s’ and ‘what if’s’.

Of course, truthfully speaking, aren’t we all questioning almost all things that occurs to us? _Why did this happen? Do I deserve to be in this spot? What did I do wrong? How did I get here?_ Some questions that seemed difficult when it comes to finding its own answers.

Even the littlest things in life, we tend to question its existence and roots. Earlier he even asked himself what’s the difference between a normal oil and a sesame oil. See? The littlest matters in life, but we still tend to put a question mark on these.

_I tried knitting earlier, and I felt bored at the first 30 minutes. It was tiresome to repeatedly knit patterns and do it again and again, so I stopped. After a while, I unknowingly grabbed the fabric and continued to knit again. Then I questioned myself, reminiscing my old actions and decisions from the past, why did I have to give up certain things just because I got tired of them for a while? Not knowing that I may like doing it again after a few. And who knows, continuing it might lead to a good result, right?_

_In the end, I was satisfied of what I knitted. It’s not yet finished, but I suppose it’s going to be a sweater. I sound too unsure hehehehe._

*

Gun was often wary of the things he does in his life. Being raised in a very organized and well-established family, he surely knows how to direct his life in the right path. Although he really considers staying indoors for a while, of course he has his travel itinerary planned out for this trip, but he disregarded it in a snap when this one boy who mistakenly got his package sent him back a letter, which is in fact his first wish for Christmas.

He always thought that going here in this place could all be about pain and regret and missing the people that mattered to him the most.

But he didn’t expect to meet someone who would make him feel giddy up again about new things in life. He liked how Off willingly replied to his letters and with those letters, he knew that he poured his heart writing it.

He loved the thrill the letters give to him. But he was afraid of the fact that he could grow attachment anytime when he gets used to it. He’ll find the letters present in his everyday routine and he knows he’ll long for the random yet amusing stories Off shares.

He’s afraid of attachments. Or maybe because it’s December, that’s why he’s afraid of what may come.

But that didn’t stop him from writing back to Off. He was too sure to the fact that he could try and risk being attached to someone again.

_I read that you’re not yet ready to meet in person, and neither am I. But can we at least meet even before Christmas? I’ll be going back home after 25 th, I was hoping if we could meet before that. _

_Anyways, have a good day ahead. And I hope you enjoyed the coffee. :’ >_

_\- Gun_


	5. Day 5: Changes and Phases

It was Gun’s fifth day and he planned to go to the amusement park to unwind for a while. He misses going to this kind of place. Places that has streaking lights, loud noises, and is naturally crowded. Surely enough that he loves interactions and can blend easily in a sea full of people.

It was still noon when he arrived at the amusement park. The place was not that packed with people since it’s still early, so he felt a little bored while he was walking alone. He stopped by the bench and sat there for a minute or two.

‘Are you waiting for someone, young man?’ An old lady, maybe in her 70’s, approached Gun as he seated.

‘No, I’m not. I came here alone.’ Gun responded and smiled at her. ‘Don’t you feel cold? It’s pretty chilly today, and are you also alone?’ Gun asked.

‘I’m with my son and granddaughter, they’re probably riding somewhere there right now.’ The old lady chuckled and continued what she was doing. Gun was fascinated that the old lady was knitting some scarf, he suddenly remembered the sweater that he did the other day.

‘That’s a lovely scarf by the way.’ Gun complimented. He rubbed his hands to fight the cold because man it was really chilly outside this day.

‘Why are you just sitting here, looking like you’re waiting for nothing? Don’t you want to have fun?’ The lady asked when she saw Gun staring at the people walking back and forth at the park.

‘I like fun. It’s just that, it tires me all of a sudden.’ Gun continued to look at the people who are doing different kinds of stuff. ‘You know the feeling of not wanting to do something you actually loved doing before. And the things you liked seeing, is not pleasant to your eye anymore. I have to admit I love crowds and blending in with people, but it just can’t seem to fit in my boat these days.’ Gun explained. The boy scrunched his nose at displease. 

‘That means you’re aging.’

‘Excuse me?’

‘What? Am I wrong?’ The old lady cunningly laughed at him.

‘No. It amuses me that it’s absolutely right.’ Gun chuckled.

‘It’s fun to witness the changes, right? Take me as an example, when I was young, maybe a little younger than your age, amusement parks are my place of solace. It’s my comfort place.’ Eager to listen, Gun adjusted on his seat to face the old lady.

‘But as I grow older, I find going to these kind of places draining and tiring. I only come here because my granddaughter loves this place. Then I came to realize that after sitting here for hours waiting for them, it didn’t felt boring at all.’ She continued. She put down the scarf she is knitting.

‘Why so?’

‘I don’t get bored. I get to knit all the time, as well as I can witness different stories of people here and there along this park.’

They both looked at people walking. Gun’s eyes were fixed to a couple who is holding hands, the girl carrying a bouquet and the boy dazzlingly looking back at her.

‘Just like that.’ The lady looked to the direction where Gun was looking at. ‘It’s beautiful how people connect with each other. How their stories start and end up the way it is.’

‘Is this why you’re not complaining you’re out here all alone waiting for hours, just knitting and chilling?’ Gun asked.

‘Yes. There’s beauty in all the waiting and changes and stuff. And mind you dear, I get to witness all kinds of stuff in here too.’

Gun was so into their conversation that he didn’t rode at least one ride on the park. He just sat there and listened to stories the old lady has in store for him. Hours have passed and their conversation went along.

_I had a nightmare last night. I dreamt that I was in the brink of death while I was crossing the street. The place seemed familiar, and the people around me are familiar too. They were shouting my name like there was no tomorrow. The light from the truck became brighter and brighter and brighter, then it hit me._

_Maybe the reason why I didn’t want to go out of this place is because I’m scared of what may happen. Of what I can do. Of where my feet will drag me to. But the sudden appearance of a single coffee, that isn’t familiar, made me realize that I may be missing out on life so much._

_That if I accept changes, something good may also come. And to answer your question, yes. We can meet before Christmas._

*

Gun didn’t noticed that he spent his whole day listening to the stories of the old lady. He was amazed by how the old lady managed to memorize all of the moments she have witnessed just by looking at the people roaming around the park.

‘I have used up all my time hearing your stories, but I completely have no regrets. Thank you…’

‘Helena. Call me Helena.’

‘Thank you, Helena. Your stories are wonderful.’ And by that, Gun bid his goodbye and decided to head back to the hotel.

Instead of taking the cab, he took his time walking on the dim streets of the city. It’s been a while since he last strolled for a walk this long. The distance from the park and the hotel isn’t that far so he just considered walking for a change.

Upon walking, he did not mind the flickering streetlights, the noises from the background coming from the people from various restaurants, the slightly slippery sidewalk he’s walking to, and the cars that keeps on passing by.

_Changes._ Why does it seem so hard to accept this?

A lot may have change on Gun’s life the moment he lost his parents, and it impacted his whole life more than anyone could imagine. Drastic changes awaited him as he was slowly turning to the acceptance stage where he could no longer feel the warmth of the people he loves. But he embraced those changes, though it was hard to accept and digest.

But a year after that loss, came another loss. And another, and another, up until he completely despises all of the things occurring to him every year after.

There were little losses, but still it was a loss.

Gun may appear strong on the outside, but inside, his walls are utterly devastated and is crashing inch by inch. And that’s why he decided to roam around places, hoping that it would shift the way he views life from seeing it as tormenting to actually worth living.

He stopped for a while and looked at the moon that is now lighting up the whole place. It was round and was shining brightly, just the way it should be.

_They always say that before you die, life flashes all of the most memorable moments in your life. The things and the people that we love will appear right before our own eyes. But why is it that I don’t even have any idea of how you look like, or what kind of person are you, but at the very end of it, I saw your letters. I know it’s just a dream, but why appear on it? When it’s just days since we first knew that we both existed._

_Bizarre, but I think it speaks volume. Anyways, this is kind of short, and I’ve ran out of words to say. Good day, Gun!_

_\- Off_

There's a reason for everything, and a reason why Gun don't usually take long walks anymore. He hates the realization it brings whilst he is walking while a sudden surge of thoughts precedes to bug his mind.

As he stopped walking, he stares at the bright and outshining moon, imagining his parents lending an ear for him from above.

‘Mom, dad. I think I found the one.’


	6. Day 6: I Smile

_Is it weird that I find your letter so confusing? Are you aware that your words could possibly stir up my emotions right now? Is my hunch true that you’re leading me into something?_

_Please answer. My mind’s going crazy._

‘Arghhhgh!’ Gun messed up all the writings and crumpled the paper.

‘What a waste of nature, Gun. Chill down. Care about the trees, gosh.’ Alice exclaimed as she was watching her friend being enraged at his seventh piece of paper wasted. He’s still not sure of what to reply to Off’s last letter.

It was misleading, and he’s afraid that he might take that mislead path.

‘Can you at least explain that Alice? Why would he even include that and tell that like it was something big to brag about?’ Gun tried to lower his voice so that his “penpal buddy” wouldn’t get the wrong idea.

‘He’s just sharing his dream to you, why would you overthink it?’ Alice reasoned out.

‘I get that part, it’s agreeable that we can share any stories thereof, but why that exact scene? He could just tell me how his day went, what he ate, who he interacted with, not this kind of confusing and leading story that can put my heart into a deep tremble!’ Gun wasn’t furious, but he sure is flustered and carried away because of the way Off partially admitted that he is now a part of his life eventually.

‘Calm down, Gun. Maybe he just wanted you to know that your stories bring him joy or calms him. Do not overthink it too much. You’ll just stress yourself.’ Alice was calm, and she definitely knows how to cool down a conversation.

‘Is Off drunk while writing that?’

Alice just rolled her eyes because she knew that it’s going to be a long night listening to her friend’s unending rants.

*

Off didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t supposed to give that last letter all because he knew that telling that dream would stir up Gun’s mind and feelings. But it was too late when he slid the letter inside Gun’s room.

He too, was confused of why he wrote those down brazenly, not even hesitating to tell the exact details of the dream. He didn’t think it through the process not until after the letter was inside the latter’s room.

‘What the hell were you thinking Off?!’ He pulled out his hair in frustration.

Knowing Off, he really doesn’t like to meddle and instigate arising feelings to someone. But he wasn’t so sure why he even explained that Gun’s letters played a big role, and not to mention, flashed on his memories when he was about to die in his dreams. And the fact that he even mentioned that it speaks volume, just makes Off regret writing the whole scenario in the letter.

He isn’t in the right headspace to think of somebody else whilst still hurting because of the person who almost made his whole entire life bearable.

And he didn’t mean to lead on Gun.

*

‘There! Fixed it.’ Gun finished writing the last word of his exchange of letter. He’s still contemplating whether to rewrite it again or to construct another one, but Alice will kill him by then if she discovers that he’ll write tons more.

He skipped breakfast and lunch because he was too occupied thinking about this matter. It kept him awake since last night and it woke him up early this day. He sure does overthink a lot.

Instead of asking vague and intriguing questions, Gun just made his way out that could end up in a light mood rather than making the situation more intense and complicated.

_So we’re talking dreams right now, eh? Do you think it’s a good thing that my letters appeared on your dream? If so, then I’d be so honored. It only took days for me to be a part of your thoughts, my words probably impacted you immensely, mister. Kidding aside, I’m glad that you agreed on my request._

_See you before Christmas, then?_

*

‘My mind’s fucked up, Tay.’ Off, holding his fifth bottle of beer, asks his beloved friend. ‘Did I made the right decision?’

‘Of what? Be clear, Off. Of leading Gun into your mess, or your decision to not contact Aom for closure?’

Yes, Off plans to cut and end things completely with Aom. But he still doesn’t know how to approach her, with him thinking that it would be weird for him to contact an engaged person who is now happily settled, just to intrude her space again.

He’s definitely a masochist.

‘I know what you’re thinking, you stupid bastard. Off Jumpol, let me remind you that you have the right to know her reason why she left you. I couldn’t just let her continue to leave you hanging, unaware of the reason why she wanted to end everything with you. It’s just unfair. This time, try to think of yourself Off. Please?’ Tay is now tired of seeing his friend dwell in pain, so he has no choice but to harshly scold Off to wake up his senses.

Emptying his last bottle, a notification popped up on his phone and he quickly checked to see who it was.

He was drunk, and his vision was all blurry, but he was clear of who the sender was.

‘Should we meet?’

Dizzy and carrying the weight of himself, he still managed to reply back.

‘We should definitely meet.’

*

_I met an old lady yesterday at the amusement park, and I noticed that what she was doing was quite enjoyable. When I joined her, we just looked at the people walking throughout the park, seeing different point of views, different angles of a story. It was quite fascinating knowing some of the stories of various people._

_So that’s what I’m going to do today. I’ll just sit in some park bench somewhere in the city, and just wait for some stories waiting to be unfold._

_How about you, what will you be doing today?_

_I’ll head out now. Have a good day, Off!_

_\- Gun_

*

Off isn’t completely sober yet, but he was determined to end this today. He pushed himself to look pleasing to the eye to appear someone worth showing. For him to not look weak at all.

They promised to meet at six in the evening. _Promised to meet._ How ironic it is for Off to follow this remark again.

The sun’s going down, and the streetlights are now lit up, as well as the Christmas lights. The streets are starting to get crowded, and the shops and cafes are now booked with a lot of customers.

The alcohol was still on his system when he arrived at the place Aom told him to go to. He was tripping a little, his right hand massaging his temples, trying to sober up when suddenly a very familiar voice approached him.

It was freezing, but it couldn’t compare to how Off froze in his place.

‘Off.’

_Off? You used to call me Love._

He knows that he’d break into pieces once he sees her face again. But he needs to be strong. So he turned around and tried to plaster a smile.

‘It’s been a while.’ Off’s stare was cold, but you could feel the warmth it hides inside.

Off could not take his eyes off her. He wants to embrace her, even for the last time, but he knows he couldn’t. And he shouldn’t.

‘You look lovely today.’ She always looked lovely in Off’s perspective.

‘Thank you. I had dinner, with someone.’ Aom was trembling while answering.

‘Your fiancée?’ Off straight up asked. He’s just pretending to be strong, because he doesn’t know what he’ll be doing if he lets himself break loose.

‘Yes.’ Aom replied. ‘Off, I’m sorry.’

Off snickered, massaging his temples once again.

‘Is that it? You have anything else to say?’ His legs felt numb, and he wants to succumb to the ground.

‘I was wrong for not telling you. I don't know.. I guess I fell out of love. I’m so—’

‘I understand.’ Off smiled bitterly. ‘I wasn’t enough, right? My project was failing, my parents are disowning me, everything’s going down low, is that why you fell out of love?’ Off doesn’t usually cry, but he reached his limit and considering the alcohol in his system, an outburst won't hurt him, right?

‘No, Off, it’s not that.’ Aom exclaimed.

‘If not that, then what? It just happened? Is that even possible?’

‘It is possible, Off.’

A sudden pause surfaced the atmosphere. Off intensely stared back at her.

‘It took me years to build up our relationship, spent my whole life loving you, and what do I get in return? A week. It only took you a week to forget all of those years.’ Off’s voice broke, while tears falling like stream. It’s a good thing they’re in some place quite far from people, so it didn’t cause too much scene.

Off was finally sober and he quickly recollected himself. He closed his eyes for a while and heaved a very huge sigh. A sign for him to finally let things go.

He plastered a half smile while looking at her.

‘Why are you still smiling at me, Off?’ she’s also in the brink of bursting into tears, but she suppressed it.

‘To at least let you know that I am now fine and even after this, I will be fine.’ He broke into tears, shaking his head while wiping the tears away. 

‘Even if I’m really not. Not even an inch.' Off held his breath and tried to keep his composure. 'I mean, I have to be fine, right?'

This was his closure. To seal things and let her know that he’ll still be able to continue his life even without her.

‘I love you, Aom.’

Aom shed a tear and replied. ‘I’m sorry, Off.’ And there, she bid her last goodbye and wished for Off's happiness. He stood still while looking at her back slowly walking away from him, then he shed his last tear and whispered,

'Happy fifth anniversary to us.' 

*

In a not so far distance, approximately five benches away, Gun squinted his eyes in distance and was shocked by the scenario he didn’t expect to see. Good thing he couldn't hear the whole conversation because the place was also filled with the combination of sounds of the cars and the people walking by the park. 

‘What the hell did I just witnessed?’


	7. Day 7: Separations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just want to thank all the people who spared their time reading this fic of mineeee, i was so happy when i saw it reached a hundred hits ㅠㅠ i just write out of impulse and didn't know if what i wrote turned out well or good aaaaaaaaa again thank you to those who reads this fic mwa mwa. anyways here's day seven~

Gun didn't have the drive to get out of bed early. He was still curious of what happened to the couple he saw last night. He didn’t get to know the context of their fight, also it’s not his business to know it in the first place.

But he felt a slight pang in his heart when he continued to stare at the man who was left there standing still while looking at how the lady slowly disappears on his sight inch by inch.

It was a painful sight to see, and he was sorry for the man who was left alone.

Little did he know that it was Off whom he was sympathizing with last night with a pitiful look as he examines him while he crumbles down.

It rained last night and he wasn’t so sure if he’s on his right mind when he almost lend his umbrella, but the tall man quickly ran away, drenching himself by the cold rain.

‘Maybe they broke up?’ Gun was staring at his ceiling imagining the scenario from last night. ‘Maybe she dumped him?’ He was busy making up conclusions about the scraps of the moments he witnessed.

‘Or maybe someone got caught in the act!’ Gun was worked up wanting to depict what actually happened, but it wasn’t really his business for him to meddle about it. He was just shocked that of all things that he could see, a very intriguing and intense one appeared to him.

He didn’t have anything to do today since he didn’t get any letter back from Off. But he still decided to write him a letter because he didn’t want to miss a day without writing him one. It practically became a part of him.

_I haven't received anything from you today, but I'll let it slide. I suppose you're busy or maybe doing something, and I completely understand that. Take your time, this letter thingy isn't that compulsory if you may put it into mind._

_I just wanted to put all my thoughts into words cause my head is killing me right now, processing all the things my mind went through yesterday. I have many stories to share and tell, are you up for all of it?_

*

Gun had to rewrite the article he wrote last evening because he wasn’t satisfied of what he formulated. The ideas were scattered and the outlining of events were not to his likings. He told himself he wouldn’t do any work for this vacation, but he couldn’t just get rid of his busy hands itching to work all the time.

Not reading a letter from Off bored him a lot. It’s only his seventh day but Off’s letters are one of his main reasons why he's excited of waking up every other day.

After a while, something popped in his mind. And for that, he needs someone's help. He definitely doesn’t want to be scolded by Alice again, so he called his cousin instead.

‘P’Gun, I’m at class right now, what do you want?’ Namtan whined while whispering. Gun is such a tease.

‘You’re not at class. That doesn’t look like a classroom to me.’ Gun mischievously said.

‘Okay, what do you want?’ Namtan adjusted on her bed and glared at him.

‘You skipped class?’

‘Who doesn’t?’ she rolled her eyes earning a laugh from his cousin.

‘Okay, okay. I called because I have an important favor to ask you.’ Gun knows Namtan is now annoyed of his sudden call because based on her looks she literally just woke up.

‘P’Gun it’s too early, can you just ask P’Alice to do it for you? Why meeeeee?’ she looked like a kid whining for Gun to take back his request. But Gun doesn’t want to bother her best friend right now. And besides, she’s a family relative so she’s the closest one that can do this favor.

‘Please Namtan, it’s just this once.’

In the end, Namtan agreed to what Gun requested. But Gun surely gained a lot of intense glares from his lovely cousin.

*

_I don’t even know where to start. Okay…. but here it goes._

_I went outside around four or five o’clock in the afternoon, and the people I saw roaming around were kinda boring. They just passed by me and nothing more. Then around quarter before six, an intriguing moment woke up my senses. There were actually two moments that wowed my mind, like I was blown away. I didn’t expect to witness those two scenarios. I thought they were only seen on television dramas and such, but I realized that it also happens in real life._

_I actually made titles for these two scenarios. “Two tales of Separation.” Quite simple, eh? Anyways, the first one happened when I was eating a burrito, and I almost choked at it when I saw what the girl did to the boy. It was quick, she slapped his face and I’m not sure if I heard the slap sound but it was bad. The cheeks of the boy became so red, looking like a cherry tomato, and it was sad. But what surprised me is when the girl was about to leave, the boy hugged her from behind._

_I was shocked. Normally, I would just cringe at the fact of seeing that kind of scene, but it awed me big time. Or maybe it was because I’m a hopeless romantic, and the snow washed away all the cringey-ness that I should’ve felt, but that moment left a mark in my head. Ending, the girl probably forgave the boy because she hugged her back. It was a miss for separation._

_The second one, was an emptying one. A moment that could really hit you big time. Even up till now, I’m worried about the person who was left behind. Not because they broke up or had a fight, but because I know the feeling of losing someone. And I can see it in his eyes, that he lost her on the spot._

*

‘These are interesting, P’. Is it really Auntie and Uncle’s letters?’ Namtan coughed a little when she brushed off the dust from the box she was holding. She did what Gun asked her to do, and it was to find the old memory box of his mom on their attic. That’s why she asked Namtan instead of Alice.

‘Yes, but we’re not going to focus on that. Inside the box you’ll find a smaller box, about a size of a polaroid, do you see it?’ Gun asked.

‘Here, found it!’ she raised the smaller box. ‘What should I do with it?’

‘Dad told me before, there were pictures inside it. Pictures they took when they were here, in Quebec. Can you please email all of those pictures to me?’

After meeting the old lady from the amusement park, Gun’s mind was opened to a new ride of emotions and feelings. He became more sentimental and saw beauty, pain, and other messages that any possible story or scenario can convey.

He was curious of why his father and mother didn’t end up together after their stay in Quebec, but destiny found its way when they saw each other again one faithful night in Thailand. In result, they had Gun.

Gun felt a strong connection with the old lady, not to mention that they also had a slight conversation in Thai when they were at the amusement park. She told Gun that she was originally raised in Thailand, but they had to move here because his brother remarried and they lived here for almost 50 years. 

He suddenly remembered that his father once told him a story about a good lady who welcomed him when he was out cold one night after he decided to cut off the connection between him and his mother.

Gun opened his laptop and checked the emails Namtan sent. As he was scrolling through the polaroid pictures, some of them are shots of nature, others were just plain stills of random people, and a few were pictures of them both. But what Gun saw completely stunned him.

It was the third to the last picture. And in it, was a shot of his father smiling while holding a cup that had a Rudolph print, and he was dressed in winter clothes finished off with a knitted red scarf. And beside him is a lady, older than him, that is also smiling while patting the head of his father.

And written on it, the black ink was almost faded, surprised Gun more than ever.

‘With Aunt Helena’

*

_And there, I realized that there could be two tales of separation. The first story made me believe that some love are worth fighting for. The guy didn’t waste his chance of taking his girl back, thus came to a fact that the separation was nothing but a miss._

_But the other made me realize that some love are better off surrendered. That letting the other person go can make you say that you have loved enough, brave of you to allow yourself to watch them walk away._

_And that’s where the real separation takes its place._

Gun is now standing in front of Off’s door, holding an envelope with his letter inside it. He doesn’t know why he’s hesitating to put his letter inside the room. Maybe it’s because he became too deep and dramatic in that letter. He still keeps his vulnerability and carefully minds his place when telling his stories.

But he is now beginning to trust Off, and his heart is now slowly opening up once again.

‘Screw it, I’ll just give this.’ And there he pushed his letter inside the latter’s room.


	8. Day 8: Void

_Hi Off!_

_Is it weird that your letters became the reason why I’m excited of waking up to a brand new day, and allowing myself to wait for the miraculous events that it will bring? It’s been two days since your last letter. How are you doing? I’m actually kind of worried at some point. I have no idea of your whereabouts, and I couldn’t stop thinking that... what if you left without any notice?_

_But who am I to complain, right?_

This was the only day where Gun wanted to feel numb. He couldn’t keep his mind still, constantly thinking how Off is doing right now, or what is he feeling at this moment. Gun just couldn’t erase Off in his system anymore.

He regretted giving Off the letter last night.

He knows he’s still enclosed to the fact that he wants to keep his vulnerability at bay, and not let anyone invade it until he comfortably opens up first. But yesterday was different. As he was standing in front of Off’s door, his mind was fixated by the fact that he is now certainly ready to trust Off.

And that’s why he pushed the letter inside his room.

However, he became so anxious. He didn’t get any reply or whatso. And it’s been two days since he felt the latter’s presence. He was starting to think that maybe Off got tired of sending back letters. He can’t stop overthinking of all the possible reasons why he isn’t responding.

A lot struck his thoughts and kept him hanging for hours. He thought to himself that he shouldn’t be minding this one since it’s just normal for a stranger to decide whether to continue their connection or to just cut it off. But it bothered Gun a lot.

In exchange for his meditation, he decided to go out for a walk. Might as well shop and dine outside to keep all of his negative presumptions away.

Gun changed into his winter clothes and picked up his coat and preceded to leave his room.

*

His feet dragged him into some place familiar. And there he found himself standing in a crowd, filled with mostly kids, teens and mid-adults.

He came back to the amusement park he last visited to, hoping to catch a glimpse of the old lady whom he shared stories with.

Gun messed up his hair out of frustration when he finally realized that he was up for more unending rumble between his mind and his emotions.

Alongside his problem with the letters, the polaroid picture from years before made him wonder what was the real story behind the first meeting of his parents. He was so curious of how Helena suddenly became connected to his father’s past.

Eager to see her again, Gun headed straight to the bench where they both spent hours talking about things and such. The park was full of people today, it was nothing compare to the number of tourists and locals the last time he went here. So he felt a little stuffed when he was walking alongside different people.

Unfortunately, there were no signs of the old lady when he reached the bench. He took a seat and frowned as he missed his chance of talking to her again. It was also his chance to ask for the story of his parents that maybe his father once talked about when he was young.

Gun didn’t move an inch. He just stayed there and let time pass by. He wanted to feel the surge of people entering the park and those who leave the place who carries a smile upon their faces. He was witnessing moments again.

After a few, he felt his eyes become heavy so he decided to head back home.

‘Oh, young one.’ He hasn’t gone far yet when he heard a familiar voice. ‘You’re back.’ Gun turned around and to his surprise, Helena arrived with her son and granddaughter. He said his greetings and smiled widely as he returned to the bench.

‘This is my granddaughter, Anna.’ Helena introduced her sweet looking grandchild who is now wearing the scarf Helena knitted.

‘Hi Anna! I’m Gun. By the way, that’s a very lovely scarf.’ Gun complimented as he exchanged his greeting.

‘Thank you, my granny made it. She makes the best and comfy sweaters, scarfs and many more!’ Anna enthusiastically replied which made Gun very happy. He loves children and playing with them is one of Gun’s specialty.

‘She sure does.’ He chuckled.

Anna and his father excused themselves and Helena sat down and brought out a new set of fabric to knit.

‘Another scarf?’ Gun asked.

‘No, I’ll be making a good old sweater, perfect for the holidays.’ She warmly flashed a smile. ‘So what brings you here? I thought you now hated crowded places.’

‘I was actually looking for you. I have something to ask anyways.’ Gun straight to the point opened up his agenda. He took out his phone and showed the scanned polaroid picture of his father.

‘What is this?’ Helena squinted her eyes to look at the picture clearly. ‘At this age of mine, pardon my struggles in looking at certain things like this.’ She took a closer look at the two people inside the picture.

‘Wait, hey that’s me. How did you get this?’ her eyes widened as she faced Gun.

‘Do you still remember the boy beside you?’

‘I do! That boy ate all the brownies I made for Christmas!’ Gun laughed when she spilled the tea about his father. Now he knows where he got his sweet tooth.

‘Come to think of it, you look like him.’ She finally noticed when she took another glance at Gun.

‘He’s my father.’

‘What a small world. He sure did a great job raising a kid like you.’ Helena’s giggle radiated pure happiness after Gun told her that it was his father whom she offered help to years ago. ‘Are you with him on this trip? Where is he right now?’

Gun frowned upon hearing her question. And she knew the answer right away, so she patted his back and comforted him for a while. ‘I’m sorry I may have asked a sensitive one.’

‘No, it’s okay. I actually wanted to ask you something too.’ Good thing Gun poured out all his emotions yesterday that he didn’t had the energy to feel sad right now. ‘Did my dad told you about something like, about partings and break ups and stuff?’

Helena tried to recall if she remembers something from before. It was ages ago, but Gun trusted her memory since she easily remembers a lot of stories in mind.

‘Oh. I remember. That was the reason we came across with your father. It was around midnight, I think. He was out somewhere cold, and mind you the snow fall that day was pretty extreme. My brother saw him walking down the sidewalk of our subdivision, and we couldn’t just let him walk at that hour considering the situation outside.’ Helena started to tell Gun how his father ended up staying in their house for two days.

‘About your mother, she’s the one that’s been dumped.’ Gun was shocked when he heard that his father was the one who ended things between them. He just couldn’t imagine what happened back then, because growing up, he always sees his father as someone who isn’t rude and loves his mother unconditionally. He doesn’t get angry and sets aside his pride all the time.

Love could really change one person.

‘It’s not that much of a story to tell. It’s just a typical break up. Your father wanted space, because your mother was hesitant of her feelings. She had many ‘what ifs’. She was afraid of committing to someone she just met and doesn’t even know half of his background in life.’ Helena continued.

Gun finally realized that if it’s the will of the season, or the destiny as many would say, then it’s bound to connive all possible connections if they are really destined to be together. It was terrifying, but also beautiful thing to depict.

For Gun’s parents, separation took its place but in the end, they found their way back and started anew.

Gun suddenly remembered Off, and his option to end the letter thingy because it wasn’t going as well as he planned to. And while he’s at it, he asked Helena for some advice.

‘Remember last time I mentioned the boy who was returning back my letters? Uhm, here’s the thing, I haven’t heard anything from him since the last two days and I’m thinking of ending the exchange of letters.’ Gun explained and his face turned blue all of a sudden.

‘Why do you want to stop? Is it because he’s not responding back?’

‘Well, I actually wrote something earlier but it wasn’t finished. I was thinking that maybe this kind of thing didn’t fit quite right on his boat. Like, maybe starting these letters was wrong in the first place. It was an odd thing to begin with.’ 

‘He’ll write back.’ She said, sounding so sure as she started knitting and smiling while doing so.

‘How sure are you?’ Gun raised his eyebrow, wondering.

‘How sure are you that he won’t?’ She returned the question back, making Gun confused and the bits of his overthinking train of thoughts were debunked. ‘Give him some time. Not all stories flow in a smooth pace. Those two days were just bumps. You still have what? 17 days before Christmas, maybe one of those days in between you’ll receive a letter. Like what I’ve told you, there’s beauty in waiting.’ She winked and continued what she was doing.

‘I hate it that you’re always right. My father must’ve liked the time he spent with you, and he probably got that trait from you. He loved correcting me all the time.’ Gun rolled his eyes and just chuckled at Helena’s advice.

*

_I really don’t know what to write down right now, and I’m probably being a nuisance lately. And I’m not sure if things are going well with you. So, just tell me when to stop this letter thingy, I’ll comply._

_But, Off… One question?_

_Do you want this to stop?_

_\- Gun._


	9. Day 9: Beers, vodka and brownies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late updates, i am currently busy doing school works but i do try my best in updating my daily entrieees ㅠㅠ anyways here's chap 9~

There are times in your life where you just want the whole world to just fall on your shoulders and make yourself carry all the weight and burden it has. Moments where you want to feel numb all day and ignore all the things that surrounds you. The tingling sounds the noises bring, the ray of sunshine that burns your skin, the wind that purposely touches your entire being, making you feel the cold, _everything._

It’s just weird that these things are the only ones left that’s keeping you alive. The piled-up questions you wanted to be answered, and the never-ending wonders your mind constantly visits.

All of these are inside Off’s head right now. The beaming streak of sunlight irritated him as he moved to the side of his bed. A case of beer and some vodka aren’t much of a help to mend a broken heart.

He felt his head spinning and his vision was completely blurry when he tried opening his eyes. He scratched it alternately and turned to look at the blue and bright sky outside.

‘Why am I still alive?’ Off complained as he buried his face on his pillows.

His place was a total mess, the floor was full of spills of beer and vodka. The jeans and the clothes he wore two days ago were scattered in front of the doorstep and along the hallway. There were also shards of glass, probably because he was too drunk and slipped so he broke a bottle as he goes. And the whole room reeked of alcohol making it too stuffy inside.

Off wouldn’t call himself heartbroken. He would just simply say that he’s sad.

_Utterly and completely fucked up kind of sad._

*

Off didn’t have anything to do anymore. He got the last thing he thought he needed, and now, all that’s left is nothing. He had his closure, and he gained the answer to the question he wanted to ask the most.

He thought that he could finally be at peace after the night where Aom left him out in the cold. But the noises inside his head continuously kept him awake that night, resulting him to rethink all of the possibilities that could’ve happened if he just missed his seminar and left the country with her for their trip. Will he be the one proposing to her and asking her to spend the rest of her life in his embrace? The one having trips and dinner dates when she craves for a night-out getaway? The one taking her out on museums and parks because that’s what she loves the most? Will his ring be the ring present on her finger right now?

All the possibilities Off could’ve had, if he just made a different decision back then.

He wanted to brush off the thought, but his mind couldn’t control what he thinks. He regretted a lot of things. But what can he do now? She’s already in the arms of another man.

To clear his mind, he tried to tidy up his room hoping for an escape to his deep pit of brokenness.

He too, was disgusted of the mess he created and the aftermath of his outrage. He was unsure if he really did this to his room, because Off is a very organized person. He was shocked at the chaos happened around him.

After picking up the trash and wiping the floors, he picked up the clothes he left at his doorstep and in front of his bathroom door. As he picked up his jeans, he saw an envelope underneath it. And then he realized…

‘Shit.’

*

‘Your brownies do taste great!’ Gun visited Helena after he talked to her and she gladly welcomed him at her humble home.

‘My recipe didn’t changed ever since, that’s why it’s still as good as the way your father liked it.’ Helena finished baking the last batch of his brownies and prepared the package for it. She sells some her sweet treats during holidays and Gun couldn’t be happier.

‘Shall I pack some for you?’ she asked while doing the last box of the packages.

‘Sure thing, I’d be glad to indulge in those chocolatey goodies when I get home.’ Gun surely had his sweet tooth going strong.

As he was watching Helena put the brownies inside the box, Gun suddenly remembered Off.

He doesn’t know why, but the feeling of wanting to share the things that make him happy forced him to ask Helena for more.

‘I know that look.’ She laughed.

‘What look?’ he asked while munching his fifth brownie, his dimples showing off.

‘Should I pack another batch for you? Your look says you want someone to taste this too.’ She playfully teased Gun.

Gun didn’t deny at all. He now tries his best in being honest with his feelings until he further accepts that he’s now ready to entertain someone in his life. He still sent his letters, and he promised himself that he won’t get tired waiting for Off’s reply. He still has a few days before he leaves, so he just grabbed his chance and took a risk.

He went back to the hotel and glanced at Off’s door. He’s now carrying the box of brownies he’s supposed to give him, but something’s stopping him from doing so. Normally, he would just leave the box on the floor and knock three times, but he just stood there for a minute.

He closed his eyes and let out a sigh before he knocked.

He knows that their plan is to meet on Christmas Eve, but he hoped for Off to open his door just this once.

He kept on knocking, and knocking, but there was no response. In the end, he just left the box, like he would usually do, but he didn’t have any letter with it. He looked around for a few minutes more, but there were still no signs of him, so he just went back straight to his room.

*

Off came back to the hotel past midnight because he bought a few snacks and beers from the convenience store. Once he reached his floor, he saw the box in front of his door right away. He picked it up and thought that it was very unusual for him to receive one, and he was hesitant in accepting it. But all hesitations went away when he saw a Christmas sock sticker on the box. 

He didn't know what gotten into him, but he smiled as soon as he remembered the 'Christmas Sock Boy' who kept on giving him letters.

He smiled as soon as he remembered Gun.


	10. Day 10: Dopamine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, sorry for the late entries everyday :< but as soon as i finish all my school works, i'll be updating as early as possible :)

‘Wow, well good morning! Hmm, I find this amusing… You’re a little bit sus right now Gun Atthaphan. You’re smiling, it’s giving me chills.’ A good morning call from Alice woke Gun up.

Gun was smiling like crazy when he first opened his eyes. His dimples showcased how deep it was and Alice found it very suspecting that Gun had a good sleep last night.

‘Good morning too, Alice.’ Gun got out of bed and placed his phone on the countertop of the mini kitchen. He couldn’t stop humming as he gets some apples inside his fridge. And he’s not finished yet. Alice raised her eyebrow when Gun started to sway like he was floating in mid-air, dancing like he’s deeply in a trance, smiles reaching from ear-to-ear, while preparing his breakfast.

Alice giggled at the live show that is happening right in front of her eyes as she watched her best friend twirl in such delight. She didn’t want to interrupt Gun right now, because it means the world to her to see him again like this.

‘I won’t be asking what made you jump in joy early this morning, but I’ll be thankful to the person or scenario that made you smile like this right now.’ Alice hid her emotions by turning off her camera and that made Gun chuckle.

‘Awwww, my best friend is getting emotional. Come here, let me hug you!’ Gun opened his arms wide as if he were hugging her. Gun missed this kind of feeling. No pretentions, no forced emotions.

‘By the way, you had take-out last night?’ Alice noticed the boxes on the table, along with a bottle of beer. ‘And you drank?’

‘Oh, this is brownies. I had someone bake it for me.’ Gun quickly put the box inside his fridge and threw the bottle in the trash. ‘And the beer… someone made me drink it.’

*

_December 10, 12:30 a.m._

Off got back to the hotel past midnight after a walk at the park and a quick stop at the convenience store. He ran out of snacks in his room, so he grabbed a couple of chips and beers as well. He definitely finished the case he bought last time.

As he was walking on his floor aisle, his eyes immediately landed at the plastic bag that’s resting on the floor. He picked it up and looked around if someone may have placed it, but there was no one so he supposed that someone must’ve left it for minutes now.

After looking at the box, he knew exactly who sent it. It didn’t have any letter inside, but he knew it was from his newfound friend, Gun.

After he got inside his room, he grabbed a sticky note and wrote something out of impulse. He wanted to repay Gun for his kindness, but all he has is snacks so instead of giving him chips, he grabbed two beers and sticked the note on one bottle.

He knocked on Gun’s door and rushed back to his room.

Gun opened his door a little late because he was in the bathroom, and what he saw lying on the floor made his heart jump in ways he couldn’t even explain. He picked up the bottles and the note left a huge smile on his face, and probably the reason why he’ll be excited to wake up again the next morning.

_‘Thanks for the brownies. All I have is beer, but I’d be glad to share it with you.’_

*

‘So that explains all the smiles and giggles and invisible rainbows and daisies floating around your head, am I right?’ New joins in their conversation and mimicked Gun’s expression right now. The boy’s a little shy but he just couldn’t hide the warm feeling he is in at this moment.

‘I didn’t know a beer could get you back on your happy train. Should we buy you a truck of beer when you go home? Or should we get a penpal neighbor for you to feel better all the time?’ Alice teased.

‘Guys, it’s not that much of a deal. Look, I’m not smiling anymore.’ He still is.

He isn’t a fan of beers, he’s more of a wine person. He didn’t like the smell and the bitter taste that lingers once you take a shot of it. But he didn’t expect that a single beer could actually taste so sweet, that he almost forgot that he once hated having the thought of drinking it.

It was Off’s doing. He made the small boy’s heart thump without even handing him signals. He thought Off was ditching him by ignoring his letters and not replying for days. But all of his frustration for the latter went away because of a single sticky note, and two bottles of beer.

You can say that Gun is easily swayed by the little things one could offer. He is fragile enough to take someone’s effort as somewhat reassuring like it’s a chance ticket from them that he’d get so that he’ll secure a spot for them in his life. Like for some other reasons, he’s used to being so welcoming and accepting of other people that’s why he’s easily hurt once they leave.

He treasures the smallest things in life, and he’s thankful that even if he constantly closes his doors, and built walls around him, he still had the heart to make a way for change to happen. Because he’s willing to try new things and take risks while he still can.

He liked talking to Off. And the remaining days would be great if it’ll be filled with memories with someone you liked talking to.

*

_Hi Off!_

_I wasn’t able to thank you immediately, I had some errands this morning. My boss contacted me cause he needed me to find some materials for a new write up and I went to the local bookstore as soon as I got his call. I suddenly missed this kind of adrenaline in doing rushed works._

_Anyway, did you like the brownies?_

Off was reading the latest letter Gun gave him while he was finishing his last piece of brownie.

‘I loved it.’ He whispered as he crumpled the liner and threw it in the trash bin.

He was feeling better than the last time he set foot on his mini kitchen. The last time was when he was drunk, and he messed up the place by vomiting on the floor. It wasn’t a good sight to see.

The brownie made him a little energetic, probably because of the chocolate, resulting him to have the drive to make something productive.

He plans to cook for this day, just because he saw an article that says that a way to move on from a painful break up, is to make way to the kitchen and cook something delicious for yourself. The article also contained pictures of smiling men and women while tossing their salads and making swirls on their pans, that made Off want to make something for himself too. His age is now really showing.

He opted to make some pasta, but he didn’t have one on hand. Crazy as it sounds, but he experimented on something. By then he realized that he really is better out of the kitchen. He could easily make an ingredient or any edible food, inedible.

_For the past few days I thought I was talking to void, because you were not replying to any of my letters. I was quite worried, no, I was super worried that maybe you left without any goodbyes or such. I wanted to check up on you, but I don’t know how and I don’t want to break our promise that we’d only meet a day before Christmas. But I’m glad you’re back. Your beer made me happy._

_So, about my past letters… forget about them. It would be great if we start again. Those stories are probably expired by now haha._

_Have a good day Off! Hoping this would last until Christmas. You won’t disappear on me, right?_

_P.S. I am not a huge fan of beers, but it’s a surprise that I liked it for some reason._

_\- Gun._


	11. Day 11: Songs you listen to

Off didn’t had common sense in general. He isn’t smart in things that involves naturality and generally made intuitions. He’d probably be asking Tay since he’s one of the smartest among his friends, but to his own, Off Jumpol couldn’t have the thought of giving out any meaning behind all plausible things that might be served right in front of him.

For Off, Gun’s letters were a breath of fresh air. Something that he finds comforting especially when he’s currently in his hurt bubble.

He finds Gun as someone whom he could trust and tell stories to, that’s why he gave in to his request the first time he asked for it.

But as he was finding solace in the words that the boy formulates for him, he is starting to feel sorry too.

He thinks that responding and conforming along with the letters can lead Gun into a depth inclination of feelings that could surface once they get know each other more. He’s afraid that he might only be using Gun as a “rebound” as he’s still in the process of healing.

The wounds Aom carved in his heart and whole being terribly made him incapable of regaining his energy and happiness back. It was a problem that a case of beer, alcohol and an all-nighter couldn’t solve.

Talking to Gun, _was it a fleeting feeling?_

_Or a lasting occurrence he would like to happen more often?_

Mind games. Gun’s last line on his recent letter toggled Off’s mind into a series of questions he couldn’t even answer. He wondered what Gun meant when he said he was surprised when the beer gave him a new feeling.

*

_Hi Gun!_

_I’m sorry I haven’t spoke in a while. I was busy putting my mind in a right headspace, and I forgot to reply to your letters. I haven’t read the earlier ones, but if I have time I’d read them. Or should I ask permission first? Because you said it’s probably just scraps of what you had in mind when you thought you were talking to the void. Kidding aside, the cold is more intense right now. Wear warm and comfortable clothes today. Have a great one!_

Off left a very subtle and short letter for Gun. He considered not giving in more, since his mind is still clouded with blur thoughts and a line of rash decisions for him to choose from.

He doesn’t want to lead on Gun for he’s going to be responsible yet again, for another regret in the making.

Off made his way to the park, facing the enormous fountain that is pretty famous in this spot. For a moment, he stared at the beauty of its structure and how the water just flowed continuously.

He was reminded of how he wanted to relentlessly erase all the things that could lead him back to the pain he acquired the night after he saw the love of his life being taken away by someone he didn’t even knew existed and all of a sudden, entered the picture as if he weren’t the first one to be in it.

Off is now tossing his decisions midair, letting the wind dishevel his hair, and the snow melt on the fabric of his coat. His knees were weak as he stood, but for him to let go, he needs to be strong enough to lift himself up after all of this.

He took out a small box from his pocket, and there he took a one last glance to the engagement ring, the band of promise, that he was supposed to give to the love he thought would last. 

_‘Some love are better off surrendered’_

He took a deep breath.

‘This looked better than the ring on your finger.’ Off couldn’t speak properly, his voice was trembling and the cold made it worse. ‘Too bad you didn’t deserve this,’ he firmly held the ring and closed his eyes as he threw it in the gushing waters of the fountain. ‘And you didn’t deserve me either.’

After he threw his sign of promise, he felt like he also threw away the weight he has been carrying ever since. Off never felt free like this before.

His face painted with a content smile, he finally closed the page, and learned to let go, saying goodbye to the chapter he never wanted to open again.

*

Reading Off’s letter, Gun had many questions in mind but he decided to just let the boy breathe and it would be a bother for him to ask for further explanation on what he’s been going through lately. He was being considerate of the situation, and he wouldn’t want Off to feel pressured opening up to him.

‘Is it weird that I find you so mindful for that Off guy next door? Knowing you, you could not last a day without roaming around people asking all the questions you want them to answer for you. And here you are compromising, for a boy you just met.’ Alice is back at it again with her scolding session with Gun, and he just couldn’t stop laughing at her while her brows furrowed within the reach of her limit.

‘Calm down, Alice. I’m just being considerate as a person.’ Gun rebutted.

‘You’re not a considerate person.’ Alice rolled her eyes in annoyance, but she knew she doesn’t hold what Gun wants to do in his life. And besides, it makes her friend happy, so she it would mean the world to her to see his smile continue for more days.

Some mornings, Gun would just lie down and feel the spirit of the season while sad Christmas songs are playing in shuffle mode. He’d sing along to the lyrics of the hurt and the metaphorical daggers and swords the singers incorporate in their melodies. Being an emotional wreck, he loved catching tears and eating up painful words for breakfast, lunch, dinner and mind you even, midnight snacks are far more exciting while listening to these kind of tracks.

Off’s letter was short, so he didn’t spend much time reading it. But he looked at it for quite a while. He knew that Off is in a deep slump, and he wanted to do something for the man. Off’s whole message resonated a feeling of blue and uninviting array of sadness.

Never in his life did he imagine to do such thing of giving away his most precious playlist, not to mention that he is quite secretive and private when it comes to his music taste. Even his closest friends wouldn’t know what genre of music he blasts whenever he’s alone.

He felt excited while writing his letter. The sudden punch of anticipation to what Off’s response may be, made him all giddy and thrilled. He either wants to be complimented for his music preferences or to be teased by how self-indulgent his whole playlist sounds like.

He strongly believes that you’ll get to know a person more through the songs they listen to. And strangely enough, Gun was so eager to know what songs Off likes to listen.

*

_I replied too early because I don’t have anything to do right now, and as I was listening to music, it kind of struck my mind that it would be a nice idea to share my playlist to you. And for your information, you’re the first person to know what kind of songs I hid in this chamber of inflicting agony._

_Some songs I listen to when I want to boost my energy. Some are for times when I feel like dancing. Most songs are for times when I’m in deep anguish. And some are just there to fill the empty spaces. You’ll get to know me once you listen to some of it, or if you’d like, maybe all of it._

As soon as Off came back to his room, he immediately read the letter waiting for him at his doorstep. He smiled as soon as he smelled the rosy scent of the paper Gun would always use. Call him weird, but he slightly sniffed the paper and released a chuckle. Off had a thing for fragrant smells and flowery scents, that’s why he did what he did.

And for some reason, he wonders if Gun smells like that too.

*

The release of pain and heavy burden Off did earlier set his mind wandering to a freer and peaceful place. He’s now listening to Gun’s playlist and all he can say is that it took him to different heights of emotions and feelings with just five songs playing on track. He liked the dynamics of the music Gun enjoys and he can definitely tell what kind of person he is.

_Afraid, quite restrained, a dash of being sentimental and hopeful._

It was a new wave of extremes as it spoke a lot about his personality, and it makes Off want to dive in for more.

He wants to know Gun more.

_And maybe you’d want to share yours too. I’m ecstatic to see what kind of music you’re into._

_I’ll put the code of my playlist here. Enjoy!_ _😊_

\- _Gun._

Off didn’t had an organized playlist, but he does listen to some good ones. He’s just too unsure if it’s likely to share his list to someone whose set of songs feels like a pot of gold. But he’ll eventually get there.

And for now, he’ll just enjoy what Gun gave him.

He closed his eyes as he listened to the next song. Supposedly he would feel the bitter remorse of the lyrics and remember the pain as the beat, melodies and lines of the song kept on tossing at each other. But instead, he flashed a smile with no regrets.

_Now Playing: Letting Go by Day6_


	12. Day 12: Snow globe

_‘Let go. Let go. Gun, you need to let go.’_

_‘Staying there won’t do you good.’_

_‘Gun, you know it. You’ll just hurt yourself in the process.’_

_‘You don’t want history to repeat itself, don’t you?’_

_‘You went there for a reason, you finished it too early. It’s time to go back.’_

Gun flinched as a tear escaped his eye, waking up from a dream he never expected. It was surreal. The voices were clear, it echoed through his ears. The people approaching him were mere silhouettes and they were coming at him little by little. He was catching his breath and as he looked at his clock, he realized that it’s still too early.

_12:12 a.m._

‘What the hell?’ Gun scoffed as he rubbed his eyes. It was an odd dream and the voices he heard made him shiver in fear. Those voices, it sounded familiar, in the weirdest way possible. 

It was the first dream Gun had in this trip. He easily forgets his dreams in an instant. As soon as he wakes up, he tends to miss the details of the dream. It’s either he recalls a tiny bit of what happened in it, or everything’s just erased as soon as he wakes up. So he was weirded out when this one appeared like it’s somewhat realistic.

He grabbed his phone and typed down the exact words he heard. The lines were so specific that he even listed down the tone of how it was spoken. At first, he thought he was just overthinking and thinks that he just watched too many dramas about dreams and such, but he was frightened that those words must tell a lot about him.

They were addressing Gun as if he was about to do something risky anytime sooner while he’s at his stay in Quebec. It felt like he was walking on a tight rope, and the people screaming at him from the back were telling him to be careful, because it looked like he was given the option to choose to stay or to go.

It was still early and that dream woke the crap out of Gun’s head. But unless nothing is happening, Gun kept himself composed and brushed the thought out of his way. Nevertheless, it’s still a dream, just mere fragments of imaginary scenarios piled up and made by our minds.

After noting, a notification popped up as he was scrolling his socials. He would be lying if he says that a single notification didn’t made his heart jump in joy.

_Off Jumpol is now listening to your playlist._

*

Off fell asleep while his earphones were blasting to a rock music. Maybe he found listening to heavy rock too comforting that he felt peace while listening to it.

He finds it compelling that Gun listens to these kinds of songs in a minute, then change to a sadder one in another. It was the range that made him know what kind of person Gun is.

It was still midnight and he suddenly woke up because his phone stopped playing any music. He didn’t notice that he fell asleep on the couch so he just went straight to his bed without changing his clothes. He was too lazy to change, and he felt so drained for all the things he did earlier. It’s like a full percentage battery went down low in an instant.

He tried to sleep as he closed his eyes but his mind couldn’t bother to do so. So he just opened the television and watched some news until he falls asleep.

Morning came and Off didn’t have much energy to put effort in making his breakfast so he did what he usually does— call for room service. Since the last time he set foot in the kitchen, he wouldn’t even dare to call his creation “food” because it was pretty terrible but he had to eat it because he doesn’t like wasting stuff.

He washed his face and dressed up early because he plans to go to the cinema today to watch something he’s been wanting to see since December started. When he got to the cinema there were two movies that caught his attention. One is the movie he wanted to see, and the other is a movie that sparked an interest on him.

He was torn between the two movies, and both movies had the same element— _marriage._

He was supposed to watch the _Marriage Story_ , but _Ready or Not_ sounded interesting to him.

He went for Ready or Not and his face as he got out of the cinema became inexplicable, just like how the movie made an impression on him. He didn’t expect that kind of ending, and his face the entire movie could speak for itself.

He was overly fazed and hyped up because of the movie that he forgot what to order when it was his turn in line at the café he went after.

_Classic Iced Latte with extra two shots_

Echoes from the past swept through his ears, but he didn’t mind them at all. It was a lingering moment, but he suppressed the feeling of getting hooked by the sudden entrance of a single throwback.

And he did suppress it.

He ordered a new, yet familiar taste of coffee. He seemed to like this blend very much that he indulged every sip of it and ordered another cup. _He surely missed coffee._

_Hi Off!_

_So, I’m writing to you now with a terrified heart as I dreamt of something unusual. And I don’t usually remember dreams, but this one retained on my head for too long. Like in your dream, you heard voices of the people familiar to you, right? Well it also happened in mine. They were gray like figures, but their voices were so clear, for a minute I thought they were real._

_It was like a premonition I would never ever want to happen. They were insisting me to stay away from this place, that the decisions I make won’t do me good, and all I’ll be left out is discomfort. But I didn’t let it eat my mind for I know that it will just crawl to my senses and make me feel terrified while I’m on this trip._

_And I’m glad I have you here as my friend. As someone I can really talk to. For some other reason, I felt calm like the waves in the ocean waiting for its turn to cover the shore, in a smooth pace, I know I’m safe._

_And I thank you for letting me feel that your presence screams enough warmth to make my day more bearable and livable._

_-_ _Cutest Atp. (It’s my first name, nothing else.)_

Off stopped by an antique-ish gift store when he got downstairs. They sell a lot of old goodies, stationaries, wooden boxes and carved figurines, as well as different Christmas items among the bunch. He picked up a wooden box about a size of a post-it and it had a Santa figure in it. He wanted to have something that could hold all of his gums and candies, so he opted to buy it.

He looked around for more, and at the last aisle of the shop, a cute little snow globe made his eyes twinkle as soon as it landed on his sight. He lowered himself to watch how the snow falls inside it, maybe a kid shook it before leaving the store, and how the snowflakes cover the mini figurines inside it made Off’s heart smile.

The figurine inside it were a tiny house with its window opened, and a bench outside. There’s also a tree and surrounding it were the flickering Christmas lights. It was so little that it he couldn’t contain how cute it was. And sitting on a bench, was a little man, wearing a white long sleeve and a blue mitten, covering his mouth with its sweater paws. It was so detailed that even the fog that came out of the little man’s mouth was present there.

He suddenly thought of Gun.

He didn’t know what his friend looked like, but he pictures him as a warm person, that has some cute features, just like the little man inside the snow globe. And as he shakes the globe, he thought that maybe Gun’s negative thoughts and dreams would be shaken away as he comforts himself with this cute tiny globe. So along with the wooden box, he preceded to purchase both of it.

‘I hope Gun would like this.’ He said as he continued walking at the quiet streets of Quebec. He can’t wait to know what Gun would write back.


	13. Day 13: Should I?

Gun never liked the sound of the rain. The scent it brings and the loud thuds of its droplets, irks him. He was like a kid who threw a tantrum when Helena tells him five stories about five different people who had something to do with how the rain poured on them like it was a blessing in disguise. He refuses to hear the stories, but he wanted company so doesn’t have a choice.

On his free times, Gun visits Helena for an afternoon talk and also to munch the baked goodies the sweet old lady makes for him. She grew fond of Gun that she loved his frequent visits and makes sure that she has enough available ingredients for her to make spare pastries for Gun.

‘He bought me a gift.’ Gun spilled as he stole another muffin from the recent batch Helena just brought out.

‘Hey, that’s not for you. Not yet.’ Helena tried to pinch him as he scooted over the breakfast nook. ‘Wait for the last batch, it’s all yours.’ She placed the muffin tray on the countertop and faced Gun.

‘I told you he’ll come back. I mean, I don’t see any reason for him to just ditch you out of nowhere. And besides, based on your stories he doesn’t seem like a douche to me.’ Helena laughed a little.

‘He’s okay. He’s quite good. And let me tell you, he has tastes.’ Gun bragged.

‘Why, what did he give you?’

‘A snow globe.’

Helena moved closer to Gun and patted his head. ‘Your Christmas will be wonderful.’ She said while leaving him a smile before she goes in to fetch her last batch of muffins.

*

_I suppose that you’re probably bothered by the dreams you had last night. And I bought you a simple gift that could maybe cool down your head for quite a bit. I went to the mall earlier to watch some movie and on my way back, there’s this little gift store where they sell antiques and basically anything you could buy, then I found this snow globe. I don’t know if you’d like this one, but it was cute and it made me smile. I hope it’d make you smile too._

Gun stared at the little boy inside the globe and giggled as he wonders if Off thought that he’d resemble like him. Gun knows it isn’t a dreamcatcher, but he placed it beside his bed, hoping it would catch all the nightmares he’s about to have when he sleeps.

Back at home, when he was a kid, he used to have this doll that was made by his mother, where he embraces it every night so the monsters wouldn’t come close to him. He wouldn’t dare to sleep without it beside him, so he carried it even when they were on trips and such. He lost it in a trip where they stayed in a hotel and he cried for hours, desperately wanting it back because he believes that the monsters will come to him since the bear is now gone. But after that incident, he stopped having nightmares, making it look like the lost bear carried it all away.

So he was astounded at the sudden appearance of his nightmare. He didn’t expect a thing could rumble his mind again. He was terrified that it may cause dismay, but he was mature enough to suppress his emotions and don’t let it get his way.

Off’s present reminded him of that teddy bear. It brought him warmth, and he felt like he’s guarded. Funny how a stranger can make him feel safe in just a short span of time.

‘You’re too cute for yourself, Off Jumpol.’

*

_I’ve been wondering, why did you decided to go here? Out of all places, you chose this one. There’s a lot of countries where you can enjoy Christmas. Nothing, it’s just curiosity hit me hehehe._

_Because if I may tell you my reason, it would take days for me to tell you the details. So, I’m just curious if you have a deep reason why you went here. I mean, you’re a traveler, I can sense that, it’s just weird for me to talk to you all day with this exchange if you’re supposed to be traveling across the country, right? Not just in this city._

_You’re supposed to go to places around the area, or maybe city hopping, or going to clubs or other recreational places, but why stay in a hotel? Wasting your time talking to a guy like me, in letters if I may emphasize. I just don’t get it… Don’t you find me boring? Or anything?_

_But hey, it’s the thirteenth, and we’re still talking. So I’ll take that as something positive._

_I’ll be taking a nap right now. Hope you had a good day, Gun!_

Gun couldn’t contain his smile while reading the letter. He feels like Off is now starting to become more open with his thoughts and isn’t afraid to welcome someone in his life anymore.

But Gun thinks it would be nice to know Off personally. A day meeting him would be a treat if only he had the guts to ask him that. He’d love to invite him for coffee, or for a stroll in the park, or maybe a visit to Aunt Helena’s bakery. He’d like to know him more. Not just in the letters, but in person instead. 

He became too attached to the fact that he sees Off as someone whom he wants to treasure and care for. Someone he can lend all his time just by listening to his antics and stories about how their day went. It was the presence of Off that made Gun wanted to stay more indoors rather than meeting other people like he’s used to doing before.

Off became his safe space. The way he didn’t wanted to conceal himself in the letters was his way of saying that he finds comfort from the latter’s presence.

But Gun doesn’t know when and how to ask him if he would also want to meet.

*

‘You’re now smiling, and I should be happy about that, right?’ Tay Tawan barges again as if he were roleplaying as Off’s parent, nitpicking him on every action he does.

‘Ow, Tay aren’t you going to congratulate me for finally having the peace I deserve?’ Off jokingly asked.

‘Congratulate you for what? I highly doubt you’re not hiding any hard feelings right now. Look, you’re drinking again.’ Tay mocked.

‘It’s just wine! I don’t dig hard drinks anymore.’ He defended himself and took a sip.

‘Yeah, right.’ Tay just rolled his eyes. ‘So, how’s it going with you and your penpal neighbor? Are things going well?’

Off looked at the bottle of wine beside his laptop. He smiled at the fact that the guy Tay is pertaining was also the one who brought him the wine, that’s why he’s in the mood for a drink.

‘You’re smiling again. It’s starting to scare me Off Jumpol.’ Off just replied with a chuckle while pouring another glass of wine. He picked up the letter that came along with it, and his expression changed as he absorbs what’s written on it.

_Hi Off!_

_I know you have many questions for me, and I know you want to know more and dwell deep along with this conversation. And I also know that we had an agreement before. But I’d also love to meet you personally and ask about you more._

_So what do you say? Should we meet before Christmas eve?_

‘Tay..’ Off turned to Tay as he put down the letter.

‘What?’ Tay raised his brow, waiting for Off’s answer. ‘Alai?’

He took a deep breath.

‘Should I say yes, or no?’


	14. Day 14: Meet me?

The sound of pen tapping resonated the whole room. A man in his 30’s, now lying on his couch oppositely while continuously tapping the poor pen on the table, kept fidgeting for hours now. He fell asleep on his couch again due to extreme drunkenness because he finished the whole bottle last night. His head was spinning when he fixed himself up and tried to write something on the paper.

_‘A hard yes, or a subtle no.’_

He heard Tay’s voice from last night. His friend thinks that it’s up for him to decide whether he agrees upon Gun’s request, or to just dodge his question if he believes that he isn’t ready to meet him yet.

He ruffled his hair and whined in annoyance. He couldn’t write his letter of exchange without deciding first what to answer Gun. He was anxious of what to say that if he’d write yes, he’ll be facing another train of anxiety while preparing to face him, and if he’d say no, Gun might think that he really has no plans of meeting him anytime sooner. He thinks that he’d look like a douche in declining his offer.

It’s been hours since he received the letter and he thinks that the latter might be waiting for his reply. He still can’t decide, so he just took a bath and brought his thoughts along with him.

Gun on the other hand, also couldn’t keep still in his place. He didn’t know what got into his mind when he asked him out. The sudden surge of emotion poured out as he was writing and he just couldn’t stop himself, and besides he also had wine.

The only reason he had in mind that he could possibly answer once Off asks why he suddenly wants to meet up is, he thinks he now knows him, but he just doesn’t know him enough. So he would like to grab this opportunity to know him more.

He only has two weeks left, and he wants to make his remaining days count.

He thought he could be doing other things rather than staying inside of his room. The itineraries in his list where nowhere near to be accomplished and the places he searched months ago haven’t had the chance to slip in his mind anymore. _All because of a letter._ A letter out of a mistake.

He was contented in his small walks in the park outside the hotel, his visits to Aunt Helena, a short stop at the amusement park and then back to his room where he compensates himself with the letters Off sends, and to finish his day writing him back. It was a routine he never knew he’d love to do every day.

Off came to him like an early Christmas present. A gift that he never thought would come to him and make his everydays more exciting and bearable.

But there was a thin line that keeps him from allowing himself to feel too attached to the man. The fact that he’ll leave the country in a few days is one of the reasons why he’s keeping himself from the fall. But he’d rather risk to see him once, than to not meet him at all.

*

_I’ll meet you. Tonight, at Saint-Louis Square. I’ll be there at 7, and I’ll be wearing a black sweater along with a black parka. See you, Gun!_

_\- Off._

After the long wait, Gun’s whole system was stoked to the fact that he burnt the eggs he’s been cooking. He couldn’t believe Off would agree to meet him despite their agreement.

Poor eggs, they didn’t last long as Gun happily rushed to the bathroom to fix himself. His emotions overflowed that he’d be able to go to the square in just minutes.

For some reason, Gun’s thought of having a grim Christmas in this place is now slowly disappearing. He’s now seeing this season as a memorable one to the point that he’d be glad to remember all of the moments he did right here and then.

He always had this thought of loathing a holiday just because it took away all the people he loves the most. After his parents died, he was so afraid every time December comes, because he thinks that someone important to him will eventually leave and be gone in his life forever. And he never liked celebrating New Year’s too.

He’s used to let people go. He’s used to all the hurt and the pain one taints when someone leaves.

So in this case, Off was an exception. He’s a wild card that Gun allowed to enter within his high walls and made him stay inside to keep him company. And Gun doesn’t have any plans to build an exit yet.

He was shivering when he walked outside the hotel. He left the hotel early to grab some coffee and have his early dinner. He felt sad for the eggs he burnt earlier, but it didn’t look edible so he just neglected it and forgot to have his dinner at the hotel.

He arrived at the café and ordered some pasta and an iced latte, good enough to refreshen his appetite. It finally became dark outside and his heart was thumping, knowing that he’s just minutes away from meeting Off. He kept on looking at his phone to see what time it is, he surely couldn’t keep his hands to himself.

While waiting, he imagines how Off would look like. Is he a tall person, or just the same height as him, but he preferably wants the latter to be taller? Does his personality resemble the way he writes in his letters? Does he always love to share stories about his dreams too in person? And many other questions that Gun would like to know once he meets him tonight.

*

‘Oh shit, I forgot I have to meet Gun at 7!’ Off nearly shouted when he noticed the time as soon as he woke up from a deep sleep. He totally forgot that he agreed to meet Gun, hence the fact that he was the one who set the time.

He quickly rushed to fix himself not minding the clothes he was supposed to wear. He just put on his usual winter clothes and a navy-blue coat to top it off. When he reached the ground floor, that’s when he realized that he forgot to wear his scarf and socks, but he decided to just screw it.

He was definitely rushing to get a cab. He almost forgot what place he told Gun to go to, but luckily it was written on the placard inside the cab. He just hopes Gun isn’t waiting for him to arrive for too long.

*

Gun waited for exactly 2 hours now and he was about to doze off in his seat if not for his coffee, he’d probably be lying down in a café full of people. He didn’t think of going to the actual square to wait for Off and he scratched his head for thinking too late. He now thinks that Off waited for him for 2 whole hours just because he wasn’t around the square himself.

What are the odds that these two has the same thought in mind? It’s amusing that they’re clearly connected in some sort of way.

Gun finally arrived at the square, feeling the cold to himself. He looked around for someone who is dressed in black, and as his eyes landed on a man that was back facing him, his heart felt like it stopped beating for a while. He didn’t know what to do or when to move. He just stood there, looking at the man who was waiting three benches away from him. His built looked familiar and his stance felt different, in a very odd way.

He slowly walked up to him, reaching his hand to tap his shoulder. He was about to ask his name, when the man suddenly turned around to his touch.

Gun’s stare became cold, his eyes illuminated the reflection of the streetlights, and his mouth was completely shut at the moment. He couldn’t move. As much as he couldn’t utter any word.

‘Gun?’

All this time he thought that Off would make a huge entrance in his life the moment he meets him. But why does the season keep on interrupting his plans of being happy just for once?

It wasn’t the three-letter name he expected he'd say. 

‘Oab?’


	15. Day 15: Resolutions and Sequels

_‘When was the first the time you actually fell in love?_

_In my case, I never saw it coming. I wasn’t aware of how the world works and how the thing they call “love” revolves around it. They told me that, it just comes naturally. That love will hit you like a truck, it will shock you like the thunderstorms, it will eventually come to you in the most sudden way it can._

_And I was also told that, love comes exactly when you are ready to welcome it._

_But why ain’t I ready when you suddenly appeared?’_

_‘Oy oy oy, what is that? A love note?’ Gun immediately hid his diary from his super annoying best friend who interrupted his momentum in writing his daily entry._

_‘Oab, you always do this. I can’t focus on the things I’m supposed to do. Can’t you just keep quiet for a moment? It’s infuriating.’ Gun lashed out and moved to another bench, ignoring Oab’s presence. He just wants to have a peace of mind, but the latter won’t let him. He surely loves to pick on Gun._

_‘Okay jaaa~’ Oab sits in front of him and stared for him like a kid waiting for some candy. He’s now working on his charms, making a pouty face for Gun to notice him. Gun just shook his head at the action of his best friend._

_Oab and Gun first met when they were nine, months after Gun’s mother passed away. He met Oab at the hospital where his mother is confined because he was the doctor’s son. So every time Mrs. Phunsawat will come to hospital for her check-ups, the two kids will just play at the nearby park beside the hospital. They built their friendship without them knowing that it would last up until they turn into young teens, the peak of their youth._

_They practically grew up together. With Oab staying beside Gun when everything was falling apart, making him sure that everything will just be fine. But everything went downhill after months. And it just kept on coming to Gun, like a landslide and he was barely surviving at the very fall. He didn’t have anyone beside him, except Oab._

_Oab never left his side, and Gun counted on him at most times. He’d expect Oab at every moment of his life. Birthdays, holidays, in his every day life, he’d expect Oab to be there._

_But it seems like time and fate isn’t on his side._

_‘Oh, I forgot. Here’s the invitation to the proposed Christmas week of the Senior Department. Don’t forget to come. It’s happening in two weeks.’ Gun handed him the envelope he reserved because Oab didn’t attend their meeting._

_‘Uhhh, Gun.’_

_‘Hmm?’ Gun was busy working on his textbooks, finishing his requirements for the semester._

_‘Nothing.’ Oab felt like it wasn’t the right time to tell Gun that he’s going to leave the country next week. Opening a conversation about partings to Gun can just open all the wounds he had from the past. He fears that he’ll go into that same phase again. So he had a plan in mind. He introduced Gun to Alice since they’ll be going to the same university. In that way, Oab can reassure that Gun wouldn’t be alone as he goes on with his life, even without him by his side._

*

_Resolutions._ An indication that a story will come to an end. Gun hated that word. Along with the words, _partings, farewells,_ and _goodbyes._

It all had the same meaning. A chapter in your life, will face its end.

Gun thought he had this story’s resolution back then, when he started to feel that Oab’s presence was slowly fading away. He was thankful that he met Alice, but it doesn’t mean that he didn’t longed for Oab in those times.

_Sequel._ The continuation of the story. Will Gun get the sequel of this one?

‘Oab?’ Gun surprisingly asked. ‘Wow, I didn’t expect to see you here!’

‘Gun! It’s.. It’s been a long time.’ Oab couldn’t believe he’d meet his childhood friend in a very bizarre timing. He couldn’t hide the shock in his face.

‘How have you been?’ He asked while suppressing the cold as they stand in the middle of the square. ‘Look at you! You’re all grown up. I’m so glad to see you!’ Gun was happy to see his friend again. His heart felt relieved at some point because he never thought he’d be able to see him like this, a grown man looking so stable and fine at his age.

‘Likewise, minus the grown-up part.’ Oab earned a pinch as he teased Gun. He still has his silly antics from before.

‘What brings you here?’ Gun asked.

‘Vacation. Our company gave us two weeks to celebrate the season, so might as well use it wisely.’ Oab chuckled.

‘That’s great. And, nice pick of destination by the way.’ Gun pointed out. Oab definitely knows everything about Quebec. He knows how Gun badly wanted to go to this place ever since they were little, and he’d invite Oab to go with him every single time it comes to his mind.

‘Yeah. It was a great pick.’ Oab flashed a slight smile.

Gun’s mind is now clouded with a lot of thoughts and mixed feelings. He didn’t know that a single smile from Oab would captivate his heart, looking like he longed for the sight of it for quite a long time.

‘You look shivering, shall we grab a coffee?’

‘No, thanks. I had one earlier. And besides, I’m waiting for someone.’ Gun motioned as if he was looking around.

‘A lover?’ Oab teased again.

‘Just a friend.’ Gun glared at him.

The silence after his words resurfaced for a few seconds, with them looking at each other and laughing alternately. They’d be lying if they say that they didn’t miss each other’s presence. Imagine suddenly meeting a distant friend that meant a lot to you before, and the feeling of wanting to ask them all sorts of things just kept you silent for a slight moment. Because you feel that you’re about to invade their space again.

After a few, Oab’s phone rang breaking the silence between them. ‘I should be going now. Alrisa’s probably looking for me right now.’

‘Girlfriend?’

‘Wife.’ Oab smiled proudly, and the boost of delight painted his face.

‘I’m happy for you, Oab. I really am.’ Gun patted Oab’s arm and smiled fondly at him. And there, Oab bid his goodbye and wished Gun a happy life and a merry Christmas.

‘Resolution.’ Gun whispered while collecting droplets of snow. He looked at his palms and his eyes felt heavy. ‘Finally, no sequels.’

*

Off and Gun didn’t have the chance to meet. When Off arrived at the square, Gun was enjoying himself as he went to a club nearby. He was partying all night long, throwing himself in the crowd, dancing to the loud music, and getting himself drunk like there’s no tomorrow.

Gun enjoyed this feeling. He missed this kind of wild nights where his thoughts are nothing but ‘party’ and ‘just having fun’.

Gun got back to the hotel around 3 a.m., and he was close to being dead drunk when he walked in the aisle of his floor. Despite losing his balance, he still did his best to walk up towards the door. He tried to reach for his key card but he couldn’t find it. He was too drunk for him to look inside his bag.

It was evident that his head is full of alcohol because of what he did next. He furiously knocked on the door waiting for someone to answer and to open up for him.

And fate must’ve planned this all along.

He wasn’t standing in front of his door, he was standing in front of Off’s.

He was about to fall when the door opened and he landed on someone’s slightly slender arms, perfectly carrying his weight as if it were made to catch him. His vision was slightly blurry, and he couldn’t see very well because of his puffy eyes, but he looked at the man who caught him.

His features were barely visible but Gun’s eyes fixated on his eyes. It was giving him a gaze of familiarity, but with a hint of curiosity. He wanted to drown in his stares but he suddenly guided him to stand up.

‘Are you okay?’ Off asks still supporting his back. ‘Should I take you to the couch? You don’t seem okay to me.’

Off had a strong feeling that the person he’s been helping right now, is also the same person he planned to meet last night.

He chuckled at the thought that it was a very odd first meeting for them, but he found it cute. He went to the kitchen to get some water to refreshen Gun up.

‘Why are you chuckling?’ Gun groggily asked.

‘Nothing.’ He was grinning from behind while he was pouring the water.

Gun heavily sighed as he rested his head and finally got the drive to close his eyes.

_‘Off?’_

Gun knew. Gun knew that he was now talking to the man of his letters. He felt tranquil as he utters his name. It was like straight out from a dream as he was talking to the person he finds comfort with.

‘When was the first time you fell in love?’

‘Do you really wanna know?’ Off placed the glass on the table and sat in front of Gun, waiting for him to spill away his rants, just like reading him like a letter.

Gun nods. But Off didn’t said a word. He knows Gun would like to narrate his part right now.

‘The first time I fell in love, my whole life was empty.’ He paused as he sniffed. ‘It was like no one was there with me, but one person only. And that person stayed for approximately…’ he counted on his fingers with his eyes slowly giving up on him. ‘… nine years. And in those nine years, I was devastated. I was a mess. But he never saw me as one. And there, my heart developed some sort of sting whenever we’re close together. But seasons like this seems to hate me so much. I had to lose the people I treasure the most, and I had to spend Christmas in a very sad way.’

Gun paused for a while and took a sip of water. Off guided him because he was about to spill a lot of water as he loses his balance.

‘And this first love, happened to leave me too. And on what? On Christmas day too!’ Gun laughed loudly, but his heart remained shattered inside.

Off just looked and listened at him, not interrupting his outburst. He finds Gun a very open person, but his heart is as fragile as it could be.

‘I was told that love comes exactly when you are ready for it, and that love arrived when my whole world wasn’t fully prepared. But when I finally became ready, love left. Maybe I was the exception. But hey, I got my resolution. The ending to my first lost love.’ Gun finished it off with a contented smile right before falling into a deep slumber.

Off looked at Gun as if he were reading him like his letters. It was an open note for him to analyze. He grabbed a blanket and a pillow for Gun to use. He took a one last stare at Gun, and he felt his heart move in a way he couldn’t explicate.

‘You’ll find the right love in the right time.’ He whispered before he went back to bed and continued his sleep.

It’s kind of funny how these two saw each other’s downfall in the oddest possible way. Gun not knowingly, saw Off being left out by the love of his life, and Off unexpectedly seeing and hearing Gun’s rant about his first lost love.

It’s funny how they both saw each other in their most vulnerable state. Finding enough comfort just by… being there.


	16. Day 16: 10 days left

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry again for the late daily updates. I'm still trying to get my mind into the right headspace. ㅠㅠ but here's chapter sixteen! hope y'all enjoy this one~

_Santa tell me, if you're really there, don't make me fall in love again if he won't be here next year_

_Santa tell me, if he really cares, 'cause I can't give it all away if he won't be here next year_

Gun woke up to a loud blast of music surfacing the whole room. He held his head in confusion and barely recognizes the surrounding he is in. He’s reeking of alcohol and he has no idea of why is he waking up in a couch. He looked around and his eyes turned wide when he realized that he isn’t in his own room. The place was more organized and there’s nothing you can find in the kitchen area unlike in his room. He got up and quietly checked if there’s anyone inside the room. 

There were no signs of anyone, so he just gently grabbed his belongings and rushed to get out, but he stopped at the note waiting for him at the door. 

_You’re probably going to get the hell out of here as fast as you can, and I’m kind of hoping you’ll stay for_ _a while so_ _I stepped out and I’m out to buy some brunch. But if you’re rushing, it’s completely okay. Just have some hangover drink or soup when you go back to your room to relieve your head._

_P.S. You look cute when you talk in your sleep._

All Gun could think of when he saw that note is, ‘Shit, I know that handwriting.’ 

Gun quickly got out of the room and hurriedly went inside his room. He panted out and he felt his heart escaping from his chest. 

‘Why and how the hell did I get there?’ Gun blurted out as he pulled out his hair in embarrassment. He couldn’t digest the fact of ending up on Off’s room, with him being a drunkard in the middle of the night. He could only visualize how much of a pain in the ass he is, because he knows how loud he can get when he’s drunk.

Now, he doesn’t know what to write on his letter for Off, knowing that the latter saw him in the most humiliating way possible. He was mortified at the thought that there’s more to the story than him being drunk and sleeping over the latter’s room. 

‘Gun Atthaphan, you’re such a mess.’ He told himself as he shook his head. 

*

Off came back to the hotel and as he expected, Gun left his room without saying goodbye. It was actually afternoon when Gun woke up, and it’s pretty late but Off didn’t bother waking him up since he was sleeping so soundly.

He bought two sets of food and it'd be a waste if he just neglects the other so he mustered up the courage to knock on Gun's door and offer the meal he intended to buy for him. 

Two knocks, and still no answer. He knows Gun is embarassed for his sudden intrusion in his room earlier. But he still insisted and called him out. 

'Gun?'

Gun was praying to the heavens that Off would just leave the thing he's supposed to give him, because he doesn't want to show even a bit of himself. 

'Just leave it there, I'm in a middle of... Alai... I'm fixing stuff!' Gun shouted, pretending to be busy. 

'Are you sure you don't want to see me? Don't forget you bailed me last night. We were supposed to meet, remember?' Off cockily said.

'Don't be so proud about what happened. You were 2 hours late mister!' Gun defended. He was pressed by the teasings of the man. 

'Okay, fine. But can you at least get this? It's easy, you'll just grab i---'

The door opened and a flustered Gun Atthaphan welcomed Off. 

'Here, happy?' He quickly grabbed the plastic bag and shut the door, not letting Off finish his sentence. 

Off snickered at the sight he saw. The trembling and cold hands that slightly touched his made him more interested in teasing the little guy. He finds Gun really cute and seeing him flustered made a huge leap in his heart. 

'A thank you would be nice!' Off joked before going back to his room. 

'He'll write me a letter.' Off proudly said as he closed his door and smiled widely as if it was the first huge smile he ever wore in his face. It shocked him for a while that a stranger, turned into a friend, made him smile from ear to ear. 

Gun Atthaphan surely did great in making Off Jumpol smile again. 

*

Gun spent his whole day whining and slacking off in his bed, just thinking about the things he could've said when he spent his night on Off's unit. He knows he's a talker when he gets alcohol in his system, and his mouth is pretty unstoppable when it gets to its limit. 

He didn't have anyone to talk to since Alice was in a seminar, New had to play the whole day with his cousins, and Namtan's probably doing some school works, so he has no choice but to talk to the void and recollect all the things he did last night. 

All he knows is that he partied real hard, to the point where he stood up in the middle of the club and danced wildly, almost threw up in front of the bartender, and if it wasn't for the local who offered him some help to get a cab, he'd probably be wandering around the streets of Quebec. 

He shrugged off the thought and let himself get some sleep to dust the embarrassment off his head. 

*

'You did what?!' Alice blurted, almost spitting the brownie she just ate. 'That was pretty..'

'I know Alice, it's embarrassing. You don't have to make it so obvious.' Gun crossed his arms. 

His morning was filled with the regrets of indulging alcohol and his unwanted drunk agendas and attitudes he shouldn't have imposed while meeting the man of his letters. It wasn't the part of his plan, but fate really loves messing him up. 

'It's actually pretty great that he met you that way. Just imagine meeting the best in-character you have.' Alice cackled.

'Really, Alice? The most unacceptable form of myself just made its way to make a first impression. Great!' Gun was pissed off but his head was much cooler than of last night. 

'Drunk Gun Atthaphan will always be the best. And for a fact, you're the best version of you when you're drunk. Did you forget about that?' 

'How is being drunk the best version of me?' Gun continued to crumple the paper he's about to write on. He plans on explaining everything to Off in the letter, but he doesn't know where to start.

'Your heart, when you're drunk, is the most honest heart I've ever known. '

Gun stopped crumpling the paper for a split second. Alice was right. Gun never had brakes on his mouth whenever alcohol messes up his head. All of the unsaid will be known. He might look vulnerable and fragile while he's at it, but it was his comfort whenever he vents out all his sentiments after a good drunk story rant. All of the suffocation in his chest, just disappears. It was his escape. 

'I wonder what stories did you tell him when you were in your tipsy bubble.' Alice broke the silence between them when she saw Gun spacing out. 

'Oh no.' Gun gasped as he remembered something. 'Oh no no no.'

'What??'

'Did I mentioned that I met Oab before I got drunk?' Gun asked. 

'You mentioned what now? Wait...You met who?!' Alice was also shocked when she heard what Gun just said. 

'I met Oab before I got drunk, which led me to meet Off.' Gun scratched his head as he remembers the scenarios that happened.

'So Oab's the cupid, I see.' she teasingly nodded. 

'That's not the point, Alice!' Alice just laughed in return. 'My point is that I probably had an outburst about my first lost love, and he'd probably be making fun of me.' he whined like a kid while scrunching his nose. 

'I don't think he's that kind of person. I think he's... sweet. He covered you with a blanket, offered you some water, and bought you brunch and here's the best part, he didn't took advantage of you while you were dead drunk in the middle of the night. He might be a keeper, Gun. Don't miss the chance.' If only he could, he'll probably be pinching Alice's arms right now because he knows she's absolutely right. He's just denial of himself, but he truly knows deep down that Off's a good catch. He just knows it by heart. 

'And so what if you told him about your past? He practically knows you because of your letters, and he's interested in knowing you more.' Alice added. 'I have to go, my boss is fuming mad because he didn't got Amanda for this year's Secret Santa. Anyways, bye bye! Have fun, you only have 10 days left. Make it count!' 

He turned off his laptop and stared at the ceiling. He's internalizing all of his best friend's advice and he couldn't help it but agree to all of what she stated. Maybe there's nothing to be ashamed of making himself open to the man he literally spent talking with for almost half of the month. So instead of making it a big deal, he just let the situation be. 

As soon as he stood up, he heard a knock on his door and he immediately checked if there's a letter waiting for him at his doorstep. And he was right. Off Jumpol sent a letter. 

_I'm sorry for teasing you. It's just that you looked cute while you're annoyed. Hahaha. Kidding aside, you don't have to be ashamed of what you blurted out last night, it was totally fine and I enjoyed offering you company. And I'm glad that you landed on my doorstep, instead of landing into others. Imagine them dealing with some pain in the a... JOKE. That was just a joke, you're probably scrunching your nose in annoyance and glaring at this poor piece of paper right now, and I'm sorry again for teasing hehehehe._

_So about your story, I was moved by how strong you've become and I know I have no right in making comments about your personal life and experience, but what you felt and you're feeling right now, the surge of vulnerability that you showed me, all of it is valid. You breaking down and having the courage to tell your story, is such a strong thing for you to do. And I'm glad you survived all the hurt the world has done to_ _you. You're a strong man, Gun. And I know good things will come to you, soon._

_And if you're now in this part, step outside of your balcony._

Gun quickly obliged and as he stepped out, there he saw Off standing on his balcony waiting for him. Gun was in his usual clothes, so he was freezing when he got out. 

'Get some coat, you'll shiver to death.' Off noticed that his hands were shaking. 

'No, go on. What do you want?' Gun asked while fighting the cold touch of the wind on his body.

'Keep on reading.' Off commanded. 

Gun rolled his eyes and read the remaining sentences on the letter. 

_I really enjoyed listening to you and your rants._

'You mean, you enjoyed watching me making a fool out of myself. Haha, thank you so much Off Jumpol. It was a pleasure.' Gun was about to go inside when Off stopped him.

'Wait, you didn't finish the last part yet.'

Gun sighed and continued reading.

_And I'd love to hear more about you. I know I insisted on keeping our days behind the letters, and I even proposed that we'd only meet before Christmas eve, but now I've come to realize something. I realized that I'm wasting all my chances of spending my time with a very amazing person who unexpectedly made me smile throughout my painful phase, and keeps on making me smile on my everydays. And I terribly know that we'll be parting ways soon, so please let me do the honors of asking this to you._

_Gun, would you spend your last 10 days with me?_

'Spend your last 10 days with me?' As if he was also on cue, Off stated the last line of his letter. 'So, what do you say?'

'It's fucking cold, Off Jumpol.' Gun said while glaring at him.

'Is that your answer?' Off gave him a confused look, but he kept his smirk hidden.

'You're so extra.' Gun scoffed. He held the balcony door, stepping a foot inside his room before looking back at Off. 'Take that as a yes.' 


	17. Day 17: Could'ves and Pasta

When was the first time you felt the solace and the serene feeling of being with someone that magically appeared in your life, like a split second, in an unimaginable place and timeframe, making its way to surprise you with a lot of uninvited laughter and happiness? Because for Gun, Off’s timing was perfect. Him meeting Off at this very time of the month was the best thing that happened to him, considering this season of joy.

He wasn’t a fan of Christmas, but this might change his way of seeing it.

Off’s invite made a very huge impression on him. He didn’t know that the guy in his letters can put up an act like that. And the best part of his day, Off insisted to reenact their supposed meet-up. So he sent Gun a letter again, of meeting him at 7, and now with the right dress code, and with him not taking a nap for him to not miss the time.

It was so extra, but Gun loved it. He allowed himself to follow Off’s crazy antics. It’s funny how he adjusted so quickly to a stranger that he just met weeks ago, and just seeing him personally the other night. It was strange, but for a social butterfly like him, it seems like it doesn’t. However, it was strange for a man like Off, someone with a steady composure, and an enclosed heart fresh from a heartbreak, to start some silly act like this with a stranger he barely met.

But it all comes down to how he sees Gun as someone he can lean on. Gun was his comfort escape when he was hurting, and if it wasn’t for his letters, he’d be in a deep slump right now, probably spending his Christmas way colder than ever.

They were crazy to put up such act last night, that Gun had to redo all of the things he did before he unexpectedly met Oab. He waited in the café for some hours, before actually going to the square. And Off arriving perfectly, standing beside the post and patiently waiting for Gun to approach him. They were giggling as they recreate the moments they have missed. Gun thought the experience was much more amusing, but it was awkward as they just stand there laughing about the crazy thing they did.

*

Off was bored and barged into Gun’s room for company. He surely got a lot more comfortable since their reenactment scene from last night, and the dinner they enjoyed while telling stories about their childhood embarrassing moments and such.

‘What you got up there?’ Off noticed that Gun was making himself busy knitting the unfinished sweater he started the first week he got here.

‘It’s just a common hobby. I knit when I’m spaced out.’ Gun didn’t look at him and focused on the fabric he is knitting.

‘You’re spaced out? So I’m just a nobody here?’ Off pouted as he watched Gun.

Gun placed the fabric down and stared at Off. ‘Why? Jealous?’ Gun smirked as he asked Off. He now has the spot to mess and annoy him since he put his guard down.

‘No. It’s just…’ Off didn’t find the exact words to complete his sentence. ‘Okay, fine. It’s just you can hang with me, and we can watch something, and we can talk about stuff.’ Off turned his back to Gun and faced the television.

‘I vowed to finish this sweater before I leave this city, so I must say sorry in advance,’ Gun stood up from his bed and sat beside Off at the couch. ‘but I’ll keep you company.’

Off smiled. His stomach was like catching butterflies and he almost patted it literally to stop the ticklish feeling it brought him.

It was a very cozy sight to see. Two strangers, who happened to connect through a very traditional and odd way, finally meeting up in the middle and finding comfort with each other’s presence. It was still surreal if they add up these moments, but they were down to a week and a few days left. They wanted to make every single day memorable as much as they can.

Off was busy watching some series on some channel he landed on, and all of a sudden, a question sparked in his mind.

‘Come to think of it, I don’t really have an idea why you picked this place as your vacation place to stay. And to be honest, all of our letters revolved around the most random things we just experienced from a single day, and we haven’t really got to talk about some deep stuff.’ He turned off the television and faced Gun, who is still busy knitting. ‘Do you have another reason why you picked this city to celebrate Christmas on?’

Gun looked down for a bit and finished what he was doing. He didn’t face the latter, but he answered him still.

‘I actually don’t spend Christmas. I’m here to fulfill a promise I made back then.’

‘A promise for? Someone special?’

‘More than special.’ He looked at Off for a while. ‘I made a promise to my parents.’ Off was all ears when he was speaking his heart out. He just stared at him and waited for every word Gun will say.

‘I told them I’d be here once I’m ready enough to finally be alone, in such place that holds a huge important memory to the both of them. My parents first met here, and they parted here also. I’m a creative writer, so these kinds of stories have a special place in my heart, so I told myself, why not give it a shot? I might come up with a good write-up if I go here. And I think I had enough stories and outlines I can work onto. And besides, I also promised I’d go here to relive the memories they both shared.’

‘So did you finally relived those memories?’ Just like in the letters, Off was intently listening and clearly enjoys knowing Gun more.

‘Some of them. Our exchange of letter was one of them.’ Gun was shy to talk about it, but he just went for it since it might be good for Off to know how he started it all.

‘What? Wow. I didn’t expect that.’

‘And I also met someone they had in touch with for years. I got to know her, and she’s a sweetheart. She actually has a bakery, and I could take you there.’ Gun said and continued to knit.

‘Oooh, was she the one who baked the brownies?’ Gun nodded. ‘They’re fantastic.’

‘Uhmm, Gun.’

‘Hmm?’

Off tried to restrain himself for asking more questions, but he keeps on going and going as he finds Gun a very interesting and amazing person to talk to. He’s amazed by how Gun feels like an open book, that once you read him, he’ll give out all possible facts and things about him, but it is rare to completely understand him as a whole. And those who are willing to dive deep into his life, will surely understand every bit of it. And it looks like Off just booked himself a seat in Gun’s life.

‘What?’ Gun stopped what he was doing and looked at Off, who is now staring at him with his eyes longing for affection and beaming with sincerity.

‘It was amazing meeting you.’ Off said without hesitations. His voice isn’t shaking or anything, he just said it with all his heart.

‘I was wondering if, what could’ve happened to me, or to you, if I ignored your package and didn’t wrote you a letter. Like, what if I just kept your Christmas sock, because in all honesty it has good fabric and I could’ve just kept it for myself. I could use it for some reason, but I didn’t.’ Gun chuckled at Off’s sudden humor.

‘Like, what could’ve happened if I just confined myself in my own shell, and never let anyone invade it just by suddenly appearing in my life. What could have happened if I didn’t ask to meet you personally, would you have met Oab, get drunk at a party, and abruptly ruining my sleep by your hard knocks on my door. Because who knows, things might’ve end up not the same way as this if all of those didn’t happened in the first place.’ Off said with a very endearing tone, like telling a story out of a book.

‘I just love how things perfectly falls into its right place and timeframe. The fact that there were occurrences before our meet-up, but in the end, we still met at a good note. And maybe it was even better than if we met the other night.’ Gun also realized and thought of how the world works perfectly if you just let it be. Let destiny lead its way, but with you maneuvering the wheel, guiding it accordingly to its right destination.

‘This is a good talk.’ Off giggled.

‘Okay, times up. This calls for a day.’ Gun stood up and put his unfinished knitted sweater on his drawer. ‘What’s your dinner?’

‘I’ll just order something from downstairs.’ Off was careful of not saying he’ll order out because he’d be receiving a glare from Gun if he does.

‘I’ll cook tonight, you okay for pasta?’ Gun walked up to his kitchen and looked for ingredients.

‘Pasta sounds great. I've been craving for one.'

‘But you’ll leave my room after dinner, it’s too much Off time for me to handle. I might get used to you.’ He said as soon as he tore the packet of the premade pasta.

Off snickered. ‘Then please do. You still have nine days left to get used to me.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hallooo, so i am going to apologize in advance because i may not be able to post day 18 in its respective date since i have a lot of school works to do, but rest assured that i'll be making it up to all of you once saturday or sunday ends, i'll just finish some of my school requirements. Thank you for those who are still reading this fic, it means a looot! We still have a few days left till Christmas, let's see what will happen on the remaining days 😉


	18. Day 18: Falling Maple Leaf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiii im sorry again for the delay of my daily updates, i'll be working on the remaining chapters as fast as i can because we only have a few days left before Christmas~

‘Have you ever heard of the story of the falling maple leaf?’ Off stopped wiggling his feet in snow and looked shortly at Gun.

‘What about it? I’ve heard a couple of stories, but I don’t know which is the one you have in mind.’ Gun smiled at the sight of Off, looking like a little kid who enjoys playing with the snow with his feet. 

They decided to eat out today since Gun wanted to try the new restaurant that opened a few weeks ago. He was supposed to dine alone on that day, but he felt uncomfortable eating by himself so it was a perfect time to invite Off for it. Off happily obliged to Gun’s request. 

As they seated along the park bench, right across the restaurant that is still closed since it opens in the evening, they talked about the things and stories they believed in since they were young. Gun wanted to open this topic as he picked up a maple leaf lying on the ground, twirling it with his fingers, dusting off the snow covering it.

‘They say that if you catch a falling maple leaf, you’ll fall in love with the person you are walking with.’ Gun stared at the maple leaf and wondered. ‘I wonder how many maple leaves have fallen and how many people have fallen in love with the people they're with.'

Off turned to Gun and brushed off the snow that fell on his cheek. Gun slightly flinched by the touch of Off, feeling electricity through his skin as if it was the first time they touched. 

‘That’s the first time I heard that story. I only know about the cherry blossoms thing.’ Off replied. 

‘I think I’ve heard of that before. Is that the one with the marrying your first love thing?’ Gun asked, dropping the maple leaf back to the ground. 

‘Yup. Do you believe in that?’ 

‘No.’

‘Why so?’ Off smirked, trying to tease Gun. 

‘And why do you look so cocky, mister Off Jumpol? Are you teasing me because I blabbered everything about my first love?’ Gun’s scowl made Off raise his hands while laughing. 

‘I didn’t say anything!’ 

‘I don’t think it’s true. Not that because I became completely devastated from my first love, it’s just because not all first loves are bound to be your last love. It clearly depends on the situation. How about you, do you believe that you’ll marry your first love?’

Off paused for a while, hoping that Gun would shift the conversation to another topic. He doesn’t know if he’s ready to tell Gun about his side of the story, but the urge was running through his throat, waiting for the right time to spill the words pooling inside him. He was too focused on listening to Gun’s endless stories, and completely keeping his bag of emotions and internally dealing with it. 

But it was Gun he was telling his stories to. He had mad respect for the boy who didn't had any hesitations in opening up his heart with a stranger that he never thought would end up as a good friend, a good companion. 

'I don't know if I'll label her as my first love, but to think that she's the only one I came in proposing with, ' Off shook his head. 'Oh wait, let me rephrase that, I didn't got to propose. So as I was saying, to think that she's the only one I planned on marrying, maybe I guess she was my first one.' 

'So you didn't get the first love, and the marriage.' Gun's voice toned down a little bit. 'I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you that.'

'No it's okay. I'm recovering now. And besides, I'd rather get dumped than stay in a relationship where the other just falls out of love. I mean, who am I kidding, let's say that I really proposed to her and we got engaged and suddenly I end up knowing that she's not in love with me anymore, that would be much more painful. So this hurts a little less.' Off was more composed right now. Maybe he got the needle out of his heart and finally had the confidence to let all of his emotions flow. 

Gun just flashed a sweet smile as a reply to Off. He looked into how his eyes painted a sad denotion of regret and a dash of hope, making it seem like it was all sentimental and it radiated all throughout his look, but he was glad that Off finally repressed the feeling of wanting to indulge in more pain as if his decision in putting an end to his first love was a mistake, but his gaze shifted from being sad to a more contented one. 

'You're staring at me for too long, you might fall.' Off said while chuckling.

'Keep talking. I like it when you talk.' 

Off returned the stare and they're now looking at each other's eyes. Gun couldn't take off his smile and all of the pending stories in his mind just flushed itself out as if he didn't want to ruin Off's turn in telling his narrative. 

For the past two days, Gun was the loudmouth between the two of them. He doesn't get tired of telling almost all of his history to Off, like a library that doesn't run out of words and stories. He just kept on talking and talking, and he was lucky enough that Off is really a good listener. 

'I'm more than glad that I saw your smile for the past two days.' Gun broke the eye contact and adjusted on his seat. The sun was getting down and the restaurant is now starting to welcome some customers. 

'We should've called for an early reservation. Come on, a lot of people are dining in.' With his smile still not leaving his face, he held Off's arm and made their way to the restaurant.

*

The dinner was up to par and they kind of had a little argument inside while deciding who'll pay for the bill. Gun insisted on splitting the bill but Off denied it and paid for it as quickly as he can. Off said he'll let Gun split their bill the next time they dine out on a nice place like this. So as a result, Gun walked a little bit too ahead and Off find it cute as the latter stomped his feet as a sign of slight irritation. 

'I'll let you split the bill next time. We still have what, a few days more.' Off raised his voice since Gun was walking fast and his normal voice wouldn't reach him. 

Gun pretended not to hear Off's remarks. He personally didn't want to count the days left. He just want it to be as normal as it could because he knows he'll miss this feeling. He'll miss the warmth of the days where he gets to spend it with someone by his side. Someone who doesn't get tired of listening to his daily rants about how his dreams usually wakes him up. About how he wants his eggs to be extra runny and if it isn't he'll just think of the yolk as a scramble egg. About how he prefers the radio over the tv. How he wants sunrise than sunsets. Basically someone who doesn't get tired of him as a whole. 

Gun turned around and pouted like a kid. 'Okay.'

'Is that your 'okay' expression?' Off pointed at his face and grinned. 

Gun nodded. 'Thank you, Off.'

'For the dinner? I thought you'd still be mad at it.'

'No. Thank you, for finally freeing yourself from the suffocation you had there, inside your heart. I saw how your eyes went sad to a happy one.' Gun had to say this aloud. He wants Off to hear that he's beyond happy that the man is now slowly healing from the hurt. And he's getting along well with life. 

'This is nothing. I mean, I had to move on, right?' Off looked down for a bit, his hands were fidgeting and he tries to sunk his shoes on the snow. 

'But why does it sound like you were forced to be happy? To move on? It's like you're being obligated by all of this, when in fact, that's not the feeling you're supposed to feel. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to smile again, Off. You deserve to regain back all the happiness that was taken away from you.' Gun moved closer to Off and held his hands, and all of a sudden, his fidgeting stopped. 

'You may have lost the love of your life, but it won't stop you from gaining back the things you had before. The energy, the happiness, the smiles and all. I know you're still on the process of healing, but I want you to know that a slow progress, is still a progress. And I'm proud that you're letting yourself out from that hurt bubble. And I'd be glad to lend my hand and help you get out.' Gun tapped the top of his palm and he continued to walk again. He's not too far, nor too close to Off but he's making his steps a little bit smaller for the latter to catch up on him. 

Off didn't got the chance to thank Gun, but his heart completely felt such happiness that he had to put his hand on his chest just to feel the loud beats from it. The wind suddenly gushed and the leaves started falling and is scattered all throughout the ground. With his height, Gun didn't noticed what the boy was doing behind him, and Off suddenly stretched out his arm and welcomingly caught a maple leaf. He stopped and stared at Gun for a little while. He suddenly remembered what Gun said earlier. 

_'They say that if you catch a falling maple leaf, you'll fall in love with the person you're walking with.'_


	19. Day 19: Unfortunate Feelings

_I feel like writing you a letter, and it's 3AM and my mind is awake for things like this. And I kind of miss this letter thingy that we stopped doing since we now personally meet. So, I woke up dreaming about something weird, something from my past. It's something old, and something not quite familiar. I don't know if it was me on my dream, or another person's view. But it felt real._

_Are you asleep right now? Hmmm, I'll gently knock on your door. But please do read this first._

_1._ _If you're asleep then you didn't hear my faint knocks, then it's completely alright. I don't want to ruin your good night sleep._ _If you happen to wake up because of my knocks,_

_2\. please DON'T force yourself to go and you should continue your sleep._

_3.If you're still awake, then I'll ask this kindly. Can you come here and watch some series with me?_

'You followed number 2, am I right?' As soon as Gun opened his door, he set his gaze intensely and glared at Off, who is now standing outside his door, smiling slyly. 'You never listen.' Gun lightly punched Off's arm.

'It's your fault, you woke me up, and sadly I couldn't continue my sleep anymore.' Off sticked out his tongue and teased Gun. He somehow felt super comfortable teasing the short one and his agenda of annoying him became his daily habit. He loved how Gun always makes what Off calls ‘cute face’ whenever he’s insulted.

Off finds it very appealing that Gun wanted to spend his supposed free time with him, and just invite him out for movies. He feels like he’s a very notable companion since Gun always wanted to see his presence.

‘What movie do you plan on watching?’ Off went straight to the couch and sat comfortably while Gun prepares a bowl of popcorn and two cans of root beer.

‘Root beer? I’m surprised you’re not going to the beer or any alcoholic route.’ Off laughed as he scored once again in teasing the latter.

‘You know what, I’m only getting one. And I’ll serve you something you need, and it’ll be a huge help to you.’ Gun aggressively placed a whole carton of milk on the table and scooted over the other side of the couch.

‘What do you plan to watch?’ Off asked while reaching out his hand on the bowl of popcorn.

‘A Christmas movie, I guess?’ Gun slightly moved away, while Off is still reaching for the popcorn. This was Gun’s payback to all the teasing Off has done to him these past few days.

‘I thought you hated Christmas.’

‘Christmas movies are an exception. And for a fact, I don’t hate Christmas. I hate celebrating it.’ Gun replied.

‘Isn’t that the same thing?’ Off finally got a handful of popcorn and munched it all at once.

‘Okay, fine. I’ll get you another bowl. You’re trying to finish all of my popcorn and we haven’t decided on what to watch yet.’ Gun stomped his way to the kitchen and Off smiled like a kid who finally got what he wanted.

‘You can’t resist me.’ Off proudly said and waited for Gun and his popcorn.

*

They only finished two movies, since Off fell asleep on the second one. He recommended the movie he just watched a few days ago, and it turns out the movie wasn’t a new release, it’s a just a year end favorite that’s why it was showing on the cinemas.

‘It’s a complete bloodbath, but I loved it! I loved how she walked like a badass in the end.’ Gun clearly enjoyed the whole film as he hyped for it, waking up Off from his seat. The sun is now up and the streak of sunlight made him squint, while he greets Gun a good morning yawn.

‘I’m glad you liked it. It was intense, right?’ Gun looked at him annoyingly.

‘You’re literally in deep slumber as soon as the second movie started. Really nice, Off Jumpol.’ Gun stood up and walked to the kitchen to prepare his breakfast.

The first movie was a random movie Gun just saw on the holiday category. It was _You’ve Got Mail._ And the funny thing is, they could relate on how the main characters started their friendship and communication. _As strangers, writing and telling each of their stories to each other._ It was also the only title Gun got interested to, so they just went with it.

‘The first one’s a treat. And it was quite familiar too.’ Off winked. He couldn’t just stop bugging Gun.

Gun finished whisking enough eggs and unpacked his last set of bacon on his fridge. He couldn’t even blink properly as the sun streaks its light on the countertop. He can’t even keep his yawn and his eyes looked dead tired from watching two movies in a row.

‘What are your plans for this day?’ Off asked as he sat on the breakfast nook, resting his palms on his chin while he looks at how Gun cooks.

He really had nothing planned out for this day. But Gun actually wanted to ask Off for a favor, that he’d cancel out all plans with him, making this day a ‘bond free’ day for them both.

‘I don’t know yet. Hmm, can I ask you a favor? Let’s not plan on doing something together today, because I kind of missed a lot of video calls with my friends and I wanted to talk to them for a while so…’ Gun asked shyly while avoiding eye contact to Off. He didn’t know what got into him, but he went shy all of a sudden asking that question.

‘Yeah sure, take your time. And why are you even shy asking me about it?’ Off mischievously smiled and Gun just turned back at him, feeling his cheeks burning while the latter keeps on grinning.

‘I mean it’s also a perfect timing that you asked for it, since I have some errands today. My friend just arrived at the airport and I have to fetch him up. So I’ll see you in a bit.’ Off picked up his keys and waved as a sign of goodbye. ‘I’ll send you a letter later, as a reply for the letter earlier.’

Gun didn’t know why he felt shy all of a sudden. He tried waking up his senses by patting his flushed red cheeks, while his stomach continues to rumble like the butterflies in it were spread and freed out of its cage. He couldn’t explicate what he was feeling. But he knows where this is heading.

*

‘So, how’s your days with lover boy?’ Alice automatically teased Gun as soon as he started the call. It’s like she was programmed to ask him about this and collect her gossip about her friend’s life and love status.

‘Lover boy my ass. We’re just casual friends, Alice.’ Gun just rolled his eyes and stuffed his mouth with a whole marshmallow. He was craving for sweets so he bought a huge pack of giant marshmallows along his way. He went to the convenience store to buy some popcorn, because Off ate all of his stock.

‘Uh oh, you’re indulging yourself with a lot of sweet treats, something might’ve happened! Gun, spill.’ Alice knew right away that something was bugging Gun’s mind and she just had to pinpoint it out.

‘Okay, okay. It’s weird. I keep getting tensed whenever I’m around him. My heart skips a beat momentarily every time he moves closer to me. The jitters when I’m about to talk to him seems pretty obvious, and I don’t know where this shy side of me came from.’ Gun’s cheeks were full of marshmallow as she explained everything to Alice.

‘Gun, you know the answer. You’re just afraid to admit that it’s now happening.’ She tried to make the atmosphere feel light for Gun to wind up his thoughts for a while.

Gun was aware of his growing feelings for Off and he can't just back out of it. It isn't easy to erase some feelings for a guy who practically made his holiday extra special, when in fact he hated celebrating seasons like this. He knew that it was an impossible thing to just neglect all of his feelings for Off, but he doesn't know how to bring this all up. And he still considers Off's situation after the painful break up he experienced. 

But Gun only has a week left. How will he go on with this kind of setting, where his heart doesn't even know where to sit while his mind goes to focus on one person and one person only. _Off Jumpol._


	20. Day 20: Cookies and You

Off waiting at the airport took him to a different level of a trip to his memory lane, remembering that time when he waited for hours just because he was promised to meet someone very special, who was supposed to wait for him, but it turns out that everything was shattered right from the start.

He's now waiting at the arrival drop-off, looking for his friend. As soon as he saw him, he waved his hands and welcomed him open arms.

'Off Jumpol! I missed you!' The man gladly accepted his warm welcome and hugged him back before arranging his luggage on the pushcart.

'Arm, long time no see. It's sad that Tay couldn't make it. He's such a busy guy.'

'I'm surprised you didn't grew a beard.' Arm joked as he noticed that Off didn't looked like a cave man like he usually does whenever he isolates himself when he's out of the country, and nowhere to be found.

'I trashed the whole beard thing, I have realized that it doesn't suit me at all. So, I am surprised that they reassigned you here.' Arm is a fashion designer in Thailand, and it just happened his company opened branches around the world and he was reassigned to this city’s branch.

'They had an opening and they sent out designers to their international branches, and I got lucky because things back home are not quite pleasing to the eye. And, finally I'll be able to meet you. How's your stay so far?'

'It's good. It's quite good.' Off said, giving him a slight smile.

'Tay told me everything.'

'That loudmouth. I'd plaster his whole freaking mouth when I get back home.' Off said while Arm laughed in return.

'I'm sorry for what happened.'

'Why is everyone being sorry for what happened? It's all in the past, and I'm good now. I'm getting over things in a smooth pace and I'm trying to play things cool.' Off defended, earning a very cunning look from his friend.

'You met someone, right?' Arm asked without hesitations. He knows Off Jumpol currently has his focus on other things, and for all the right reasons, that focus seems to be a gamechanger and made a huge turning point in Off’s life.

'You're such a great reader. Come on, let's get you checked in.' Off initiated as he guided Arm back to the hotel.

*

The next morning, Gun decided to ask Off to go with him to Aunt Helena’s house to get the cookies he ordered. He thought that it might be a good chance for Off to meet her since they only have a few days left. He liked the brownies Helena made, and Gun thinks that Off would love to indulge on her other treats too.

Gun didn’t expect that he’d meet a close friend of Off. He was quite astounded as the sight of Arm in Off’s living room welcomed him with his presence. Gun greeted him with a warm smile.

‘You must be Gun.’ Arm went in a for a shake and the latter gladly obliged.

‘I’m sorry I don’t know your name yet, but he did mention the name Tay, so… I guess that would be you?’ Gun was clueless of his name so he just went with his hunch and asked him right away.

‘No, my name’s not Tay, I’m Arm.’ He chuckled at Gun’s innocence.

‘So, you had the chance to meet. Arm, this is Gun, the “letter guy”. And Gun, this is Arm, my very talented and hardworking friend.’

‘Nice compliments, Off. You really worked hard on your script, don’t you?’ Arm had sass up on his sleeves and Gun was pretty fascinated by how he disses Off.

‘Seriously, letter guy?’ Gun put up a disappointed look at Off. He suddenly wants to cancel his favor for today, but he really wants Off to meet Helena so he just brushed his irritation away, kept his head cool and just glared at the poor man for a minute or so.

‘I’ll be heading out, got to check the branch location. See if it’s doable of some sort. I’ll be catching up later. Bye, guys!’ Arm rushed out of the room, leaving the two inside the room.

‘I’m going to take you to Aunt Helena, and I’ll let us experience a new taste of Christmas.’ Gun wanted to sound so positive that he couldn’t believe he’d use the word ‘Christmas’ in a way where he’s feeling happy and excited for something coming up on his way.

Having Off by his side made drastic changes on his life, including his way of seeing things that once kept him at bay, to finally being able to fully understand that there are certain reasons for these things on why they keep on happening in his life. He never thought he’d become hopeful about the things to come. Making days count was his priority, and life meant a lot more to him now.

Aunt Helena also made a huge impact on his life. Letting him embrace his vulnerability and learning to see how a story goes with the help of understanding someone’s point of view. Her stories and lessons about life enabled Gun to be more thoughtful about the things he’s about to do in the future. The actions and decisions he’s about to make, and the consequences he’s about to face once he puts an act to it.

This trip might’ve had another impression, not to mention, an opposite one, on him before, but this trip proved him wrong. This trip was a lifelong lesson he’ll gladly bring for the rest of his life. And now, he’s smiling at the two people who made this journey so bearable, that he wanted to never leave this place again.

‘You’re creeping me out, little boy. It’s been minutes, and I bet your smile muscles are now getting tired.’ Helena waved his hands in front of Gun’s face, who was busy savoring the moment as he endows his gentle stares at the two. Off offered his help in making the last batch of cookies Aunt Helena was making.

Helena liked Off very much. She even reserved her last batch of cookies just for him to enjoy on his own, leaving Gun with just the bare minimum of scraps of her moist cakes. But Gun just let it be, making Off feel welcomed by the best offer Helena has in her pockets, her warm embrace.

‘Are you having any regrets?’ Helena broke the silence between them as Off places the tray inside the oven. They were in the kitchen while Gun prepares the boxes in the dining area. Off was occasionally silent when he was helping, so Helena tried to break the ice.

‘Hmm, regrets about?’ Off asked politely, making the old woman chuckle in return.

‘Gun, he tells me a lot of stories.’ Off suddenly wanted to pinch Gun for being a loudmouth like his best friend, but he was calm enough not to send a direct hit to the smaller one.

‘Did he tell in you in detail?’ Although Off was a little worked up, he tried to remain composed and just completely brushed it off.

‘Just the significant ones. But it’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it. I mean, I have no right to meddle in your business, so let’s keep it cool.’

‘How considerate of you. Thank you, I appreciate it.’ He smiled taking the tray out of the oven. Helena smiled at his behalf, knowing that opening up a fresh wound would just make it worse. And as much as she wants to know him more, she’d rather wait and hope for a time where they can come back to her and see her again even after this year’s Christmas. And to put it in simple words, she’s hopeful that both of them would still meet even after Christmas ends.

*

‘Isn’t she amazing? Her stories were always a pinch to my heart, and it leaves all plausible traces inside it. If only the little girl in her last story could bring back time, she would’ve got her teddy back.’ Gun was looking at the stars scattered in the sky. It was a sea of stars, and the whole city was surrounded by it. He didn’t mind of the way he’s walking to and to his luck, Off is there to guide him while he adores the beauty of the sky.

‘But she couldn’t bring time back.’ Gun stopped walking and faced Off.

‘Way to ruin the positive mood, mister unhopeful man.’ Off didn’t answered him back and also stared at the night sky. He didn’t have the drive to impeccably jive in into Gun’s mind full of wonders and hopes.

Gun looked at him for a split second. He tried to analyze what’s on Off’s head, but he couldn’t find the right answer because the latter’s face only radiates stiffness and stillness, but his eyes spoke a thousand emotions to which Gun find difficult to read. So he just asked him a question. ‘If you were to bring back time, what moment would you want to repeat and relive?’

Off looked at him with a pair of sad eyes and heavy sigh.

‘You know, the moment I had smelled the scent of the cookies Aunt Helena had made, it brought me back to the time where I want to go back the most.’ Off avoided the latter’s eyes and looked at the cookies they brought home. ‘These cookies are good, I’m not gonna lie. But they’re nothing compared to my mom’s. You asked me what moment would I want to repeat again? I’d go back to the time where I had the chance to see my mom make her batch of cookies for me every Christmas season.’ Off’s eyes were dazzling as the moon embraces and illuminates on it, but his eyes painted a blue and cold gaze that spoke a thousand sentiments as he looked back at Gun. ‘I’d go back to that time in a split second if only I had the chance. But like the little girl in the story, I couldn’t.’

Off had a tough time letting out his feelings to other people. But at this time, he was vulnerable enough to shed a tear in front of a stranger that he just met a couple of weeks ago. Gun didn’t say a word back, and hugged Off instead. He couldn’t help but also share a fair amount of longing for the loved ones he lost. He understands the feeling of wanting to turn back time and change what has happened, in exchange for the lives of the people who was taken away from him. He, of all people, can understand Off the most.

Off was reminded of his mom and how her cookies tasted like it was the epitome of love. But unfortunately, he never got to taste it again after he stepped into college. Few years later, his father remarried and things turned out not quite well for Off, so they had their own issues as years went by. Off’s life was shattered, and he lost hope. But he had to go on with his life, so he did. He finished college, graduated with honors, got a good job, found someone who made his everyday life bearable, and everything went just right. But life was really an up and down journey. So he had to live with it. And so he did. And where is he now? In front of a guy who literally made this season even more… _memorable._ He’s glad he’s still surviving.

*

Off woke up as he heard a knock on his door. He opened it and there was no one outside, but a box of cookies lying on the floor with a note along it.

_I’m sorry I ate half of your cookies last night, so I tried to bake these. This may not taste like home, but I hope you still find the sweetness in your life as you continue your journey. I’m proud of you, Off Jumpol._

_Enjoy these cookies! I am not a good baker, so please bear with me hehehe_

_\- Gun._

And there, Off Jumpol just plastered the sweetest smile he could ever display in his whole life.


	21. Day 21: Your smile is the art

‘You didn’t like the cookies.’ Gun guessed as soon as he saw Off taking his second bite. Off stopped in the middle of Gun’s interruption and looked at him confusingly.

‘What? What are you talking about?’ Still with a confused look, Off asked the grumpy guy who’s crossing arms in front of him.

‘Just say it and go. Drop it. Drop it now, I’ll make a new one.’ Gun attempted to take away the box of cookies but Off didn’t let him. This two can’t seem to get tired of nagging at each other, that it became their routine.

‘This is mine, you gave it to me!’ Their afternoon started pretty loud and disastrous and Arm just couldn’t stand there and watch the cat-dog, childlike fight, so he stepped right in and grabbed the box of cookies and tasted it.

‘You could use a lot more chocolate chips, and it’s a bit overdone for me.’ Arm shushed them down when he raised his opinion and finally the two stopped arguing for a while.

‘Well, thank you Arm for your very honest opinion. Unlike your friend who likes to sugarcoat a lot of stuff.’ Gun scoffed as he takes the box of cookies away from Off to reach.

‘I didn’t sugarcoat my words. I’m being honest, mister whiny pants. It really made me smile!’ They were arguing for about half an hour now, just because Off only commented that “he smiled” as soon as he got the cookies Gun made, and not mentioned a single bit about its taste, and Gun wanted to know if he liked the taste or not. And also, he’s in a bad mood because his new article got declined so his rage escalated quickly.

‘Okay, okay Tom and Jerry, stop now. I got tickets for a museum downtown, I’d like to invite you both to cleanse your minds and just think of the beauty life brings.’ Arm suggested along with his hand gestures, and it prettily worked for the both of them.

Gun had to cool his head down and he thinks that this museum sightseeing would help him flush all the undesirable thoughts he had in mind. And in fact, he only has five days left to be this kind of free, so he just completely neglected all of his work-related issues and decided to just have fun.

‘You okay?’ Off asked. They’re now in the line waiting for the museum to open. It was a little bit freezing so Off made sure to bring enough hot packs, because he noticed that Gun feels easily cold lately.

‘Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks for the extra pack.’ Gun answered, rubbing both of his winter gloves to suppress the cold.

Arm nudged Off’s side and whispered. ‘I am so glad you met him.’

Off was confused at first, but he got what his friend meant. Arm knows how much wreck of a hell Off becomes whenever a huge load of emotional breakage comes in his way, and it was just in his shock to see Off being like this, letting his guard down, to a person whom he barely knows half of his life.

It wasn’t a normal sight for his friends to see him like this after a very huge break up and not to mention, rooted from a failed proposal, they thought Off would go beyond his extremes so it was a big surprise that he didn’t.

Maybe meeting Gun was the highlight of it all.

‘You have a thing for art?’ Gun noticed that Off was very eager to see all the description of each artwork, and tries his best to ask for other hidden stories about everything he finds interesting.

‘Didn’t he tell you? He’s an artist.’ Arm whispered, while Off was still busy having a moment while looking at each piece of art. ‘Well, sort of.’ He added.

Gun wasn’t shocked at all. He thinks that Off had another thing up on his sleeve that he refrains on telling him, and besides they have a lot more stories untold. So he completely understands it.

‘Does he still have the drive?’ Gun asked.

‘I don’t know. What I know is just, Off loves it when he’s doing art. Back then, it was the only thing he enjoys doing the most. But it was snatched away when he was forced to work in office.’ Arm explained.

Gun loved the sight of Off this day. He was carefree, and his mind doesn’t contain anything but art. He can see how Off loves everything his eyes set forth. It felt like he was also looking at an art. An art that may be complicated to look at first glance, but once you put your heart in understanding it, you’ll start to grow fond of it little by little. Until you finally learn to love it whole.

‘He’s a tough one to depict, Gun. I commend you for staying quite this long by his side. It’s very applauding.’ Arm looked like he was a relationship slash life instructor as he tells his words of wisdom to the both. But he was thankful enough to finally give his blessing while he still can.

‘You seem happy. How much did you enjoy the experience?’ Gun asked when Off finally walked beside them.

‘It was great. A lot more than great, actually.’ Off chuckled. His smiles were more ravishing and Gun couldn’t help it but stare at the beautiful sight of him.

‘I hope you smile like this more often.’

Off’s gaze softened as he heard those words coming out from Gun’s mouth. Even Arm excused himself at this momentous scene happening in front of him. Off and Gun knew that they both had their ups and downs, and seeing each other’s smiles was all worth it. It’s just crazy that they both had the chance to fill in the smiles that was once taken away from them, replacing it with a content and a hopeful one.

'Okay, sweet time over, let's go for dinner!' Arm perfectly broke their stares, leaving the two giggling while following his lead. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaah, I'm super out of date and I haven't finished doing my school tasks, so I'm sorry for the interruptions in my daily updates. I'm currently working on the remaining chapters and again, sorry for the super late updates ㅠㅠ


	22. Day 22: The Bet

‘This is Alice, my best friend. Alice, you know him, Off.’ Gun cut short with the introduction and left Off on call with his best friend. It feels like an interrogation and Alice is so good with it, as she practices her HR skills upon Off.

‘So, Off do you usually spend holidays out of town? Don’t you have any work left behind?’ Alice started questioning and Off felt a little nervous facing her. She looked quite intimidating because of her suit that she forgot that Gun always nags her about how she looks like a terror teacher whenever she’s wearing one. ‘Don’t be nervous, Off. I don’t bite, I just love asking about things.’ She laughed as she noticed that Off couldn’t utter his answer.

‘I do this occasionally, and if I am work free then I use almost all of my time spending it in different places.’ Off answered, looking at Gun alternately who is now busy preparing lunch. Gun smiled at him back and gestured that he shouldn’t feel tensed.

‘The similarities of the both of you are uncanny, but in a good way though. Well, I shouldn’t be interrupting Gun today, but I had to ask a few questions about his fashion styles. My boss just ordered me to research about fashion and I need Gun since he’s into that. Okay, I’m chitchatting a lot, can I talk to Gun?’ Alice was really a talker and it showed. Gun shooed Off to the side and motioned him to watch the food he’s cooking.

‘What do you want?’ Gun asked while raising a brow.

‘Something about your fashion sense, I kinda need it badly. This report is due tomorrow, so I need you right here, right now.’ While Gun is busy talking to Alice, Off on the other had made a mess and signaled Gun that he had a commotion in the kitchen. Gun immediately saw the smoke coming out from the pan, so he panicked and cut Alice’s request.

‘I’m sorry, something came up. Off just messed my kitchen area, I’ll be right back.’ Gun hurriedly went to the kitchen. Good thing it wasn’t that big of a mess so he cleared it right away.

‘I’m sorry for the interruption, Alice. I should keep myself away from a kitchen. Clumsy hands hehe.’ Off returned to the call, and an idea sparked his mind since Gun is occupied in cleaning up the mess. ‘Uhm, if you really need to interview a fashion geek, I can introduce you to one. He’s in the fashion industry and I’m sure he can be a huge help.’ Off suggested to which made Alice delighted.

‘You’re a savior Off Jumpol. Okay now you clearly have my blessing!’ Alice exclaimed in excitement.

‘Your what?’

‘What? I said what?’

‘You said something about blessi-‘

‘You are blessed. An angel that’s sent from above!’ it was a nice save by Alice but Off sure did notice her stutters at the moment.

‘O-okay, here’s the contact. I’ll just send it in the chat box. Just tell him that I’m the one who recommended him, he likes to question people a lot.’ Off advised while Alice jots down the contact.

_Arm Weerayut Chansook_

‘Oh, great you and Arm could click. You’re both talkers.’ Gun sat down beside Off handing him his plate. ‘Good thing not everything became burnt.’ Gun was able to fix the dish that Off requested for Gun to cook. He really does have a talent in cooking.

‘Thank you, Off. So, I’ll head out now, I have to talk to… _Mr. Arm?_ Okay, enjoy you two, bye!’

Alice ended the call, leaving the two to enjoy their lunch. Gun was just elated when Off suddenly thought of Arm to introduce to Alice. He has this positive feeling that Alice would be ecstatic to meet a man like Arm. The man’s a catch, and they surprisingly have the same traits, a perfect match in Gun’s romantic language.

‘Let’s make a bet.’ Gun proposed while Off looks at him confusingly.

‘What bet?’ Off was up for it as he finished his last sip of Gun’s holiday hot choco, which he surely loves. Gun had been experimenting on drinks lately, and his recipes tasted like magic, and Off was in for a treat for days now.

‘Alice and Arm. They’ll click. Wanna bet?’

Off chuckled. ‘Arm’s a strong-willed man. He doesn’t like to dwell into any love interests. His mind is purely focused on work and his brother duties when he’s at home.’

‘Don’t be so sure, Off. Alice can stir a lot of guy’s hearts. Didn’t she stir up yours?’

‘Oh, she sure did stir it up, terrifyingly.’ Gun pinched Off at his impression of his best friend. ‘But, Alice is a sweetheart.’ He took back his words since he didn’t want Gun to glare at him for a long time.

‘Okay, I’m gonna bet they’ll fall for each other.’ Gun sounded so proud that he even crossed his arms, braggingly bestowing his confident look.

‘And I’m going to bet for the opposite way around.’ Off mocked him and imitated his little gestures of crossing arms. He received another pinch from the smaller one before cleaning up the dishes and table.

‘So what bet?’ Gun asked when Off was busy washing the dishes. It’s the least he can do since he almost burned down Gun’s room, and they could’ve been kicked out of the hotel.

Off paused for a while and thought about a good deal for their bet. He suddenly remembered that their supposed goal for a meet-up happened sooner than they expected. They met a week before Christmas, and now that Christmas day’s finally coming, Off realized that they had a fair share of moments together. They both got to meet each other, and that’s what they opt to happen in the first place. But what are they to do now, now that everything’s finally coming to an end.

‘Off?’ Gun noticed that Off spaced out while the sink is running. Off finally came back to his senses and looked at Gun for a while. He stopped washing the dishes and faced the latter.

‘Remember my could’ves that I told you before?’ Off’s face displayed a much more serious look than earlier.

Gun nodded as an answer, and before Off had anything to say, he heaved a very huge sigh. He didn’t want to start this topic, but it’s just making him think of all the possible aftermaths once the 25th comes.

Gun just smiled at him, looking like he read what Off had in mind.

‘You’re thinking what could’ve happened to us right now if I didn’t land on your door that one sad and unexpected night, right?’ Gun just had all his hunches right because Off was that easy to read when it comes to this. ‘I know. We weren’t supposed to meet that early. I’m also thinking of the same thing.’

It just hit them both that things between them keeps on escalating too fast, and they don’t know whether to pull the breaks or to just keep it going now that their remaining days are not that far.

‘So… What’s the bet?’

‘If Alice and Arm falls for each other, or even if they see each other in a different light, let’s not meet on Christmas day.’

Gun wasn’t so sure of his decision. He might’ve come a bit rash, but that’s what all he can think of, considering the “could have” Off had on his mind.

Off just shook his head, trying to depict the situation and their sudden decisions. They were just eating together a few minutes earlier, and now they’ve come to this decision making of not allowing themselves to be together on Christmas.

What Gun had in mind is that, if the universe really permits them to be together, feeling each other’s presence even after their parting dates, then it’s a win for them and he’ll just gladly let time go on its own pace just like in all movies and fictional stories. But this is reality. Anything can happen in a blink of an eye.

_What could’ve happened if we didn’t meet in the first place?_

_Will we still continue the letters and wait till Christmas eve?_

_Will we spend a lot of time, making fun things together in a span of 24 hours, or maybe less?_

_Will I have the chance to meet Helena and taste the cookies that felt like home?_

A lot can happen, if things didn’t go exactly as what really happened or what was bound to happen in the first place. It might lead to another story, another point of view, another scenario, another set of people, and it just leads to a different page in your book. And you can’t undo it, erase it and there’s no delete button. You just have to keep on flipping the remaining pages to see how the story ends.

And for Off and Gun’s case, the universe let them meet way too much early than they expected. Leading them to thinking that maybe they were really destined to meet early and spend time together for a couple of days for a reason. And that reason was solely for them to keep.

_But Gun had to make a choice._

'What do you say? Do we have a deal?' 


	23. Day 23: Indecisive Decisions

Off and Gun never thought they’d agreed upon doing what’s for the best of the possible aftermath that may come once they celebrate Christmas together. They decided to think things first before coming to a decision whether to spend that day together, or to go on with their separate ways.

But one thing’s for sure, together or not, after 25th, Gun would probably long for Off in all possible ways and Off might go on with the same route as him.

Gun is now staring at a blank paper where he’s supposed to write his farewell letter for Off. But he couldn’t even move his hand, and his mind couldn’t even formulate words that should go with it.

_3 days._ Only 3 days left.

Gun didn’t want to blow everything up. It just makes him feel a little overwhelmed that everything that filled his December, will just fade away in time and would be labeled as a good memory along the way. That one week he had with Off, felt more than a lifetime supply of happiness and contentment. He felt free, and alive. Not like his other Decembers that were full of resentment and grief.

But there was stopping his way of wanting to spend the rest of his days filled with love and happiness. His mind is telling him that Off doesn’t feel the same way, so he’s just up for a blow once he risks himself again.

Off confuses him a ton. Sure he can read Off’s surfacing thoughts, but deep down considering his own pulsations and desires in his heart, he can’t decipher it enough.

Yes, he saw Off catch the falling maple leaf. He kind of looked back at him that time when Off was looking at the leaf, and he turned quickly so that the latter wouldn’t notice. And it rattles his mind more because he isn’t sure if Off does feel the same way towards him. Addressing that it might be just an accidental fall and he just happened to catch it. But is there really a thing called accidental fall? That if it happens to lose its gravitational pull, the one who will catch it will deem and refer to it as just an accidental one? It didn’t make sense. And Gun knew also knew that it surely didn’t.

He was afraid of what may come next after he leaves Quebec and continue his life back home. And he isn’t what will be Off’s decision whether to stay for good, or to continue making his travels forgetting almost everything that summed up his whole year.

‘What kind of silly thing are you thinking right now, Gun? Just spend your Christmas with him, that’s all.’ Alice woke his senses up while snapping her fingers and looking at Gun with a very worried look. ‘I know you’re thinking of all possible things that may happen after your parting, but at least you both got to spend time together. I mean, you’re fully aware that he’s just going to be another December memory, right?’

Gun completely knows that he overly thinks about the things that isn’t even happening yet. He implies negativity on everything he foresees that might occur after their last meet. There was nothing wrong in spending time together in his last day. It’s just him that minds a lot about how they’ll separate ways. And about how he’ll accept and move on with his life after Christmas.

‘Should I ask him what’re his future plans? Where will he celebrate his new year? Should I?’ Gun was spiraling and his mind won’t stop bugging him as it keeps on overthinking.

‘Gun, if the universe conspires for the both of you to meet again, then great. A continuation of your story. But if doesn’t, then at least be grateful that a person made you think of December a little less sad. And it made you hopeful, that there’s still beauty in the things you thought that would only give you despair and agony. Look at the picture in a brighter perspective.’ Alice didn’t want Gun to spend his Christmas full of regret and negativity. So she went for a straight up advice giving session with her friend.

‘You know how bad I am with goodbyes, right?’

‘And what if it doesn’t end with a goodbye? What if he’s the one who’ll ask about your whereabouts after that day? Why are you putting yourself at the edge of everything, when in fact it’s not yet happening?’ Alice heaved a sigh and sincerely looked at Gun. ‘Hey, you know what to do. You always know what to do.’

Alice was right. Maybe Gun was just pushing himself too much to a fact where nothing is even happening yet, and he tends to overlook at the situation too far in its extent. So what if they’ll separate ways after the 25th? Maybe 5, 10, 20 years later, they’ll unexpectedly meet again in a very bizarre circumstance. Maybe they’ll exchange mistaken packages again in the future, leading them to see each other again. A lot can happen, and there are a lot of possibilities.

But despite looking at the bright side, Gun still fears of his growing attachment to everything that’s about Off and his presence in his life, and he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to handle the longing once the season ends.

_Gun, I know you’re thinking about things too, and I want you to know that it has been a pleasure spending my few weeks talking and knowing you. But do we really have to bail on Christmas day and not meet even for a while? You’re leaving after that and I am fully aware that it’ll be a hard pill for me to swallow that the only person who made my recent days livable and bearable, will just become another memory. And I want to make the best out of the days that we’ll be together._

_So what do you say? Gun, can you spend your Christmas slash last day in Quebec with me?_

_\- Off._

Gun placed the paper back on the table and closed his eyes for a bit. 

‘Alice, how did it go with Arm?’


	24. Day 24: Signs

Hi so I know this is a bit late, but I made a playlist of songs that listen to while I'm in the process of writing this fic, so if you want to know the songs I got inspiration to, click [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6KwEF0F3adnmuAdXmW0fqM?si=vuBvDVRfQleh2X48AsLpqg).

* * *

_Signs._

Gun was no stranger to any of the signs. He loved catching up on them, waiting for small chances to happen. His entirety was full of hopes that someday he’ll land on those little signs he wished for. But this sign was not the one he expected.

All his life, he just wanted to be free and to live a life full of joy and smiles and laughter, free from any kind of pain anyone or anything can force upon him.

But life surely does have a lot of surprises. It is truly unpredictable. Some surprises make us jump in joy and happiness to an extent. Some makes us pretty ecstatic and delighted, and some are just plain shocking and appalling in a certain point. But not all surprises are pleasant. Some of them carries a weight you would never imagine that would bestow upon you, and consume you fully.

Gun’s phone is ringing nonstop, and he can’t stop himself contemplating when to answer the call. It has been two hours since he decided to ignore all calls and it was taking a toll on him just by reading the caller’s ID.

_Dr. Rodriguez – THL Medical Center_

It took him months waiting for this call, and now that it finally came to him, he just wanted to ignore it all. Gun walked back and forth, messing up his hair and slapping his cheeks to wake his senses up. He knows he wasn’t ready of what he might hear during the call, but he also knows that he has to take this one.

After a minute of continuous heavy sighs, he finally had the courage to answer the call.

‘Good morning, Dr. Rodriguez. I’m pleased to hear from you.’ Gun started off a bit stutter-y, but he had a good save.

‘Mr. Phunsawat, I’m sorry to ruin your holiday but, I now have your test results.’

*

‘You have to calm down, Gun. The doctor said it’s not good for you to feel any extreme emotions.’ Alice couldn’t hide her worry as soon as she got the message from Gun that he had received the awaited call they’ve been expecting for years.

‘Isn’t it too sudden? Too unexpected? Maybe they run through some problems on the results, and mind you that they took years to call me back. Isn’t there any way for this news to become a false one? A mistake from their records?’ Gun said before hardly massaging his temples and continues to fume over the news he just received. ‘They should’ve told me earlier, you know. Why now?’

Alice didn’t know what to answer, and she’s not even physically there to comfort Gun even though she badly wants to. ‘Gun, you should talk to someone there, try to ask them for company. Everything’s going to be alright, don’t let everything get in your head. You’re coming home in two days, and we’ll talk, okay?’

As much as Gun wanted to trash out all the thoughts piled up in his head right now, and he didn’t know what to do and to feel, the suffocation pent up inside him seems to be sinking down hard and he wants to let it all out. So the next thing he did was somewhat considered as a force of habit.

_Off, about your question… Can we meet today, instead?_

*

‘What made you change your mind?’ Off asked while waiting beside Gun in line for their coffee. Off made sure that he’d be controlling his caffeine levels for this day, and he’ll be watching Gun’s too since it’s Christmas eve, and he doesn’t want the shorter one to feel all pumped up during the night. He gets really loud whenever he drinks coffee.

‘Nothing, I just thought that it would be boring for me to spend Christmas alone. Looking around people, celebrating with their family and loved ones, it’s just going to hit me that I am a sad piece of potato spending the season of love just by myself.’ He explained before putting their orders in.

‘How about Helena? Isn’t she around?’

‘Oh I don’t want to bother her this evening. She has to spend it with her family so I shouldn’t intrude.’ They moved over to the side to wait for their orders. ‘And I also want to spend this day with you.’

Off looked at Gun like he was teasing him and he just got a irritated but cute, as Off would describe it, glare in return.

‘One Iced Latte and One Strawberry and Coconut slush for Gun!’

‘Thank you so much! Have a Merry Christmas!’ Gun said while taking their orders, and Off helped him in getting his.

‘I’m surprised you didn’t get coffee today.’ Off pinpointed.

‘I- uh.. I cut off caffeine. It’s not good… for my health.’ Gun said repressing his stammering being mindful of what he could spill. They both left the café and head straight top their main destination for the day, the amusement park.

‘You keep on surprising me today with your decisions, Gun. I thought you wanted to eat in a sophisticated, fine dining restaurant to finally have some time off seeing crowds. But, I must say that I love amusement parks more. So you did the right call.’ Off exclaimed while walking ahead and roaming his eyes around in excitement. Gun just looked at him and saw how much Off enjoyed the bright lights and the fun noises surrounding them, making him look like a little kid wandering off to dreamland where magic always has a place to happen. And he kinda wishes that, that kind of magic would work in his reality too.

He followed Off shortly and decided to set aside all the negative things away and basically enjoy his whole day of feeling free from all the worry. After all, he’s leaving in in less than 48 hours, and start anew once he gets back home making this moment a memorable one for keeps.

*

They’ve been on a couple of rides now and Gun felt drowsy and tired so they sat on the bench where he and Helena used to sit always. It had a good view of the park and it kept Off entertained as they wait for their bodies to recharge and do fun things again. Off had tokens for the hoop game stall and he wanted to win the plush that had a snowman print on it so he dares to recharge himself for that. Gun on the other hand, just lets Off do everything he wants to do. He brought Off here because he knows that he’d dig up for this kind of night out.

Off came back to their seat with the plush he just won and two hot chocos on hand. Gun couldn’t even be happier because Off got him a specific kind of hot choco. He had another reason to like this man, his hunches were always accurate.

‘Chocolate Peppermint. How did you know?’ Gun raised his brow and leaned closer to Off as he squints his eyes mockingly.

‘Fine, Alice told me a while ago. I didn’t know if you liked plain old hot choco, or you’d want to spice it up a bit, so I called her.’ Off admitted making Gun chuckle.

‘How did you even get her account?’ Gun realized something even before he sipped. ‘Oh… Arm.’ Off just shook his head and laughed for a bit after realizing that he lost the bet. He should’ve known his friend better. He was confident that Arm wouldn’t feel a thing for anyone at his point of his life right now.

‘So, you didn’t know? How come you decided for us to meet today and not tomorrow? Well it’s clear on the bet that you’d—’

‘I’m leaving tomorrow.’

Off paused for a while and placed his cup on the space between them. He looked at Gun and asked. ‘You’re leaving that early? Are you in a rush?’

Gun looked at him back, smiling before uttering a single word. He stared at him for a few seconds, trying to depict what’s inside Off’s mind as soon as he got the word out.

‘I need some things to do. I’m a busy man. Gonna write write write!’ Gun snickered nervously but he tried to hide his emotions by drinking his remaining hot choc. Off knew that something’s up. Gun’s now the one who is easy to read. With all the stammers and slight mumbles kept on bothering Off since the morning. He also did find it weird that Gun had made rash decisions out of spite and he was terrible at keeping it.

‘What are you staring at?’ Gun continued to drink from his cup while Off was busy looking at him.

‘I just find it mesmerizing that your eyes sparkle whenever it meets mine.’ Off wanted to lighten up the mood and talk things in a very positive way to fight off Gun’s opposite thoughts.

Gun’s cheek was flushed red and he closed his eyes in embarrassment.

‘Off, stop. You’re making it hard for me.’ Gun was suppressing his little laughs.

‘Hard for you to what?’

Gun put his cup down and looked at Off. He’s thinking of what tomorrow may come, since it’s his last day. And he knows what comes after his last day. _Separation._

‘Nothing.’ Gun smiled as if his head was not thinking negatively. ‘Quick, finish that drink or just go with it, we still have to watch the last screening of the movie you wanted to see.’ Gun wanted to make this day extra special so he bought tickets to a basement cinema which screens a lot of movies, mostly outdated ones.

When they got inside the cinema, Off was slightly shocked that he’s about to experience a moment like this. With a start out stranger, turned to a penpal buddy, to very close friends, and to someone whom he never imagined that would make him a change of heart.

The movie was about Gun’s favorite things all combined, _fate, destiny, signs, universe conspirations and chances._

It was Off’s request before to watch the movie, but it hit him more now that he realized something about missing chances and following your destiny thingy. Gun took a glance at Off who’s busy indulging the whole film. And while he’s looking at him it took him just a few moments and split seconds to realize what he’ll be losing once he tells Off about his condition. He wants Off to be happy even after all of this ends. He just wants him to regain back the smiles that was taken away from him thereafter.

Gun had this in mind for the whole day, of telling or not telling to Off, but this thought won’t budge his mind so he needed to vent it out. He excused himself and ran outside meeting the cold breeze.

‘Hey, is everything alright?’ Off followed him and approached him.

Gun turned to him with a very unstable and worrisome look. His mind was blocked from all the frustrations and words were stuck on his throat that he couldn’t say a word out.

‘I shouldn’t have met you in the first place.’ Even Gun was shocked at what he finally mustered to say out loud.

‘What? What are you trying to imply?’ Off was still clueless of what’s going on with Gun’s mind.

‘Off, this is just hard for me to explain everything. I can’t just put my mind in the right headspace right now. I’m going to leave.’ _Gun, your emotions. Don’t go too far._ Gun tried to storm out but Off stopped him.

‘What the hell is happening, Gun? You’ve been acting strange since morning and I couldn’t get what you’re trying to tell me.’ Off was perplexed to see Gun lose all his control.

‘I shouldn’t have fell for you in the first place.’ Gun was looking down while saying those words. It was the first time he confessed personally, and he couldn’t imagine what will the latter say or react to his sudden confession.

‘I don’t understand.’ Off said, trying to put all things in a steady place but it seems so hard to patch it all up.

‘Meeting you… meeting you might’ve been a mistake.’ _Lies._ Gun was only trying to fight the urge of wanting to tell Off about the truth. He plans to push him away for his sake. For him to easily adjust once Gun completely walks out of his life.

‘You don’t mean that, right? Please tell me you don’t.’

‘I don’t know, Off. Maybe I’m too overwhelmed of what’s happening between us. I mean, is there really something happening between us? Look, even I am confused.’ Gun had to go back to his hotel and let himself and his heart rest, but his emotions are all riled up. ‘I’m sorry Off. I’m really sorry.’

_Separation._

Gun hated that word ever since. The fact that he was used to people leaving him every time this season comes, irks him and makes him want to just forget that he even knew other people at all. He hated partings so much, that he had issues in bidding goodbyes to certain people at his point of life.

But what can he do, if he’s the one bound to leave someone for his own sake and reasons?

He wanted signs to pop out in front of him, for him to wisely decide what he’d choose to do in his life. But his sign isn’t as easy to spot like a sign in the street, or a tagline in some place, or a shooting star at night. His signs aren’t like any of those. Because his sign was the person he just left standing in the brink of the night, out in the cold, looking at him cluelessly as he leaves and walks away without any plans of looking back. 


	25. Day 25: Christmas Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late upload of Day 25~ Aaaaaa please do enjoy~

Off was left alone, standing still for a few minutes, feeling the tiny drops of snow melt on his sleeves. It was a familiar scene. He’s been here before, but why does it feel so much different that he couldn’t withstand the fact that someone’s walking out of his life again.

He slowly loses the sight of Gun walking away, and he couldn’t move an inch. He tried to digest everything, but he couldn’t fathom the sudden surge of emotions from the scenario that flashed before him. All he could think is that, _love is leaving, and he couldn’t do anything._

His mind went completely blank, and his urge to follow Gun deteriorates as he gets further away. He was contemplating whether to stop him from leaving without any explanations, but he tried to understand that Gun might had other personal reasons as to why he did so.

It was a familiar stance to see. The snow trying to cover everything around the city, the faint streak of light the moon illuminates, inaudible heartbeats trying to catch its proper pace, and the cold wind gushing through the man’s hair as he looks to a certain person whose sight begins to fade little by little. This was the third time Off was left alone out in the cold, but his heart became numb all of a sudden. He was hurt, letting Gun go away without even hearing his side for storming out unexpectedly, and saying that he regrets meeting him in the first place. But his heart is telling him that Gun had his own reasons, and still settled to understand the latter on his behalf.

*

Gun messed up his hair and released several grunts as soon as he entered his room. He was frustrated, mad and disappointed in himself for letting his emotions eat him all up, causing him to burst in front of Off. He was displeased by his action of taunting Off into a whole disarray and leaving him without telling him his reasons.

He never wanted any of these to happen. Not even a bit. He was just unsure of making his decisions before he flies back home. He’s leaving tomorrow, and he just made it worse for him and Off to even have a proper parting that he was hoping for. He blew it up, and all he can do is to blame himself for not compromising and making things clear to Off.

But he did what he had to do. Deep down, he didn’t want Off to know the slightest about his condition. He just wants Off to remember only the good things that this trip has brought him. He didn’t want to add up on the things that made his stay go downhill. It was enough for him for Off to remember him the way he was, the next-door pen pal, the Christmas sock owner, the drunk guy who unexpectedly showed up in front of him, the easily annoyed guy who makes partially good cookies, and the one whom he lend his ears and also told his stories to.

Gun wanted to be a good memory to Off. And he wants to remain as that. But his mind and heart couldn’t grasp the fact that he’s leaving Off hanging and clueless about his sudden goodbye.

He had the whole night to think about it before packing up his things to get ready for his next day flight. It’s going to be a long night torturing himself to think of all the possible ways he could get back to Off without inflicting such pain before he leaves.

A proper goodbye to a very special person he never thought he’d meet.

*

‘You ready?’ Alice asked while on call with Gun. He was just finishing signing papers on the lobby and after a few signs he proceeded to the waiting area to recheck if he left something in his room. ‘You triple checked it, Gun. Don’t overdo yourself.’ Alice said, while looking at Gun who is now distressed while checking his bags.

‘I left something.’ Gun paused and quickly asked for the receptionist to look out for his bag before rushing back to his room.

‘Okay, let me guess, you left your… Goodbye?’ Alice was still on call when Gun was hurriedly heading back to his floor. Good thing, the cleaner left the door open so he got in and looked for the thing he forgot to pack.

‘No. I left something more, sentimental.’ Gun said while looking at the thing he left behind. A big hanging Christmas sock in the tack of his wall. Gun slowly walked to get the sock and he stared at it for a while. Memories from his first day just struck him real hard and played like a film reel in his head. He clearly remembers how everything escalated quickly when his package was sent to the wrong room, and to the wrong recipient. Enabling him to meet the most unpredictable, irritating, a little bit humorous, and the most interesting man he ever met in whole life.

And yes, Gun had wished and told Off that he hoped that he didn’t met him in the first place. That he shouldn’t have done all things he did in order for them to finally meet. And that meeting him was nothing but a mistake. But in reality, it was quite the contrary. He do wished all these things and spewed it all over Off’s face, but he also wished that he had met him earlier.

Gun had to do one thing more. He walked over in front of Off’s door, holding a white envelope in his hands, while carrying a heavy heart as he stares at room number embossed in his door.

_712_

He realized how funny things started off being bizarre due to the sudden instances of unexpected moments that happened in their life, and it started with a letter from the guy in this very room.

His mind wanders off as he thinks of the time when he accidentally landed on this doorstep, leading him to meet Off personally, and in a very unexpected circumstance. On how he constantly slides his letter inside, how he occasionally leaves coffees, knickknacks, and other things he could give him outside this door. The way he knocks exactly three times before he rushes to his room, taking a slight peek for a few seconds before fully going back inside.

It became a routine for Gun to have Off in his system. And the past 24 days talking to him filled some gaps in his heart that he never thought anyone would have the ability to do so.

He firmly grips the envelope in his hands, making it a little bit crumply. He’s thinking if he should wait for Off to answer his knocks, and personally say goodbye to him. Or to just leave the letter inside like old time’s sake. And there he chose the latter.

‘Goodbye, Off Jumpol.’

*

‘Are you sure you have no takebacks?’ Aunt Helena raised her brows and crossed her arms while looking at Gun and his luggage alternately. ‘You sure you’re leaving without even bidding him a proper goodbye?’ She’s stirring out Gun’s conscience, but Gun was firm to his decision to not meet Off personally today.

‘You know my reason.’ Gun said in a very gloomy tone.

‘I know your reason. But doesn’t he deserve to know that reason to?’ Aunt Helena contradicted Gun’s decision to not tell Off what his condition was. She wanted Gun to him everything since she believes that Off would completely understand and will be much gladder to know his side of the story than to not hear anything from him at all.

‘I’m just gonna break his heart. I can’t afford to see him like that again, and not to mention, on Christmas day? No. I won’t do that.’ Gun frowned. He lightly tilted his head up to stop the tears forming in his eyes from falling. ‘I wrote him a letter, and that’ll probably compensate from everything, right?’

Aunt Helena shook her head, but Gun knew that it was a little harsh for him to just leave him behind.

‘You don’t understand.’ Gun wanted to break down, but he didn’t want to feel humiliated in front of Helena just because he’s too unsure of the decisions he made and those he’s about to make.

‘I do understand. I understand you more than ever, more than anyone. I’ve lived my life seeing people come and go. Sometimes, those people walk straight up in front and stays there for a while, but once the show’s over, they stand up and leaves for good. But there are people who were willing to see how the show’s going to end, so they stayed even though there were a few seats that was emptied, at least some stayed.’ Aunt Helena tried to suppress the tears but it was the moment that was telling them to just cry it all out.

‘Sometimes in life, you just have to know that there are certain people that will leave you without them explaining why they had the guts to walk out of your life. And those people who leaves like that, they’re the ones who marks a huge scar in our hearts that will forever hunt us and keeps us awake at night just by thinking of all plausible reasons why they suddenly left. And by there, you’ll start to blame yourself for not knowing, and for overthinking that you might’ve done something wrong. But those who stayed are the ones who waited for you to open up by the time you’re ready to do so. They’re the ones who are willing to ride the tide with you. And the best part? There’s no resentment, blaming, hatred, and regret. Because you opened up willingly, and they waited for you patiently.’ Helena held Gun’s hand and looked at him. ‘So what will you choose? To be the one who leaves a scar, or to be someone who’ll be eager to give in but there’s a certainty in being a good part in someone’s life?’

Gun doesn’t know how to thank Aunt Helena enough. He hugged her so tight and he showered her with gratitude as they continued to embrace. Gun’s tears overflowed excessively that he had to borrow another handkerchief from Aunt Helena. She just laughed shortly while looking at Gun and also realizing that she was bawling out.

‘Either way, I’m glad you came to me, little one. I’m glad that you considered to go here first, before actually doing anything rash.’ She chuckled, wiping off her tears.

‘I’ll always be grateful that I met a wonderful and amazing woman like you. Thank you for letting me and my father, come into your life.’ Gun hugged her again for the last time.

‘You’ll live longer. Good things will continue to come in your way. You just got to have the heart to welcome the right things and people and erase all the bad ones that hinders you from having a good one. Everything will be alright in time, Gun.’ Helena said while hugging him tightly.

‘Thank you, Aunt Helena. I’ll go now.’ And there, Gun bid his farewell waving at her back before getting inside the cab.

*

Gun arrived at the airport just in time for his baggage check. After he checked in his baggage, he stopped by the lounge and ordered some food since he’s going to have a long flight ahead. He grabs his phone and checks if his friends left a note for him once he arrives back in Thailand. Alice will probably fetch him up since Namtan has school and Alice is his only option.

He scrolled for a while on his socials but his eyes got tired so much so he just turned his phone off and rested for a while. He tried to sleep but his mind doesn’t want him to. His thoughts were clouded of what Aunt Helena just told him earlier. She clearly had all the point and she was spilling the whole truth about the decision making Gun’s supposed to do. But it was too late, and he’ll never get to meet Off today. He’s leaving and is about to board the plane in a few minutes time. And he thinks it’s impossible for Off to follow and rush just to see him once more. Considering the fact that he was left hanging by Gun himself.

But still, Gun was hoping for destiny to act upon his will.

*

Off stared at the envelope lying on his doorstep for about ten minutes now. It felt different receiving a letter again from Gun. It was hard for him to even look at the envelope itself. But, he was too weak to not give in so he picked it up and collected himself before opening up the envelope. It was quite thick, indicating that it had many pages inside it, and he was in for a letter that’d take him for a quick visit to his memory lane, in this very season.

_Off Jumpol. Hi. First of all, I am deeply sorry for leaving you last night, out there in the cold, without even telling you why I did leave in the first place. Also, I am sorry for the words that may have carved a slit on your heart, because I realized what I said and it did hurt. It hurt big time. I don’t know if it’s right to say that I’d take it back, but we both know that we can’t take those spoken words back._

_So, I’m leaving today. And I’m leaving with a very regretful heart. I thought I’d leave Quebec on a good note, but I blew it all up. I became a mess, and I didn’t have the guts to face you. But you know what, if only my flight is scheduled a little bit earlier, I’d probably be knocking on your door right now. But I guess I’m a fool of myself after all. I didn’t actually plan to give this to you, because I don’t think I even have the guts to stand in front of your door. But if this letter lands in your hands right now, then I probably had the slightest courage to leave this inside your room._

Off didn’t had to think twice. He hurriedly dressed up and brought the letter with him, rushing to get down to follow what his heart is truly telling him what to do.

He wants to stop Gun from leaving, and to talk things out.

*

The preboarding announcement just surfaced the whole waiting area and Gun had to hurry because he kind of had a mishap on the bistro where he bought his food. He handed his boarding ticket, and he was now ready to finally be on board. He took one glance back, with a heart full of hopes, trying to find a man whom he expects to lastly see.

But it seems like destiny isn’t on his side this time.

He then proceeds to enter the plane, and to his usual spot beside the window, he adjusted himself and tried to make himself comfortable. He looked outside only to see complete darkness that screams so much of what he’s been feeling right now. He slightly hugged his carry-on bag, making it as a pillow, but he noticed something. He checked the back and there he pulled out the Christmas sock he put in last in the bag. He felt that the sock had something inside it, and there a familiar envelope surprised him.

He was nervous, and trembling pulling out the letter from the sock. It was Off Jumpol’s letter.

_Dear Gun,_

_I don’t know if this is going to be the last time I’ll ever write you a letter. But this has been the craziest, extremely spontaneous, truthfully ecstatic, wonderful, and most memorable holiday season I’ve ever spent in my life. And I am truly thankful that you and I suddenly met in the most inexplicable and bizarre way possible. It led us to meet in the most unique way possible. And I couldn’t even be happier, that your package came unexpectedly to mine. Imagine, what if that package never even had the chance to land on my hands. You’ll never get to meet a guy like me. Kidding, I can see your face right now scrunching your nose and glaring at this poor piece of paper. So all jokes aside, I am very and overly lucky to have met a Gun Atthaphan in my life._

_I had to write this letter three days before we actually meet again for Christmas, and I had a drink earlier so all of the things I’m about to say is mostly from the bottom of my heart._

_I don’t want to consider this a farewell letter, a goodbye note, in fact, I don’t want this to be the last letter I’m about to write you. You made me realize that these kinds of stuff, evokes a very intriguing feeling inside your chest that keeps you wanting to do it more. And you perfectly recruited me and my whole being in it. But, I guess this’ll be the last time you’ll hear from me, so it’s best for me to tell you everything that I have in my heart for you to know._

_Gun Atthaphan, thank you. Thank you for suddenly appearing into my life. It was a hurtful road along the way for me, and it got me tons of hurdles, that every time I wake up I just keep on wanting to fall back again. But when you came, my everydays became more bearable and at last, I didn’t feel like was all alone. Because now I know I have someone beside me. I have you._

_Your stories made me want to begin another day and wait for another just to hear your unending narratives, and it filled my day. And you listening to mine, was a bonus that I never imagined I’d gain._

_I hate to say this but, if this is going to be the last time I’ll be able to talk to you, then I should just say everything, right? For a moment, I have thought that I was just getting used to your presence that if a day passes by that I receive no letter, it just feels like my day isn’t complete as it should be. But it came to me that, I was getting used to your presence because I have made you a part of my system, and I can’t seem to erase you anytime sooner. But, I guess we all feel things like this in a point of our lives. And this was that point in my life._

_I don’t know how I could thank you enough, but a single thank you isn’t enough._

_Thank you for ordering a Christmas sock that led us to here. Thank you for your interesting and exciting stories that you constantly share. Thank you for the advices and the life lessons you give to me. For the brownies you got from Aunt Helena, to your imitation cookie that I seriously enjoyed and appreciated. Your dishes and your midnight calls for movie time. For your endless glares that completes my day. And lastly, thank you, for telling me that some love are better off surrendered._

_Thank you for making me love every single day. And mind you that my days even became more bearable, because it had you in it._

_I’ll miss you, and it sucks that I didn’t got the chance to tell you this in person, because I know I’d blank out on Christmas day. I also wished I could hug you just for once. But seems like it all depends on December 25 Off Jumpol. It’s all up to him. I just wish he’ll have the courage to do so._

_If ever we cross paths again, don’t you ever forget to greet me back once I confidently utter your name._

_I don’t know if I’m ready to let go of you yet, but I am looking forward to meeting you again in the future_ , _Gun Atthaphan._

_\- Off Jumpol._

Gun couldn’t move an inch on his seat. He thought he had cried enough earlier when he met Aunt Helena, but this proved him wrong. He didn’t know that such words could move his heart that he couldn’t even find the right words to explicate what he feels right now.

All his life, he just wanted to set sail with a clear path, and along his way was a rough patch making him remember all of the days he had gone through life without the people he lost along the process, but he made it through so far.

But he had no idea that a big hurdle would come along his way.

And the man in his letters made him rethink of his decision of not telling him one bit about this hurdle, where in fact he sees him as someone who is now a big part of his life.

But it was all too late. He’s now seated, and the plane is now ready to deport. As much as he wants to get off the plane in an instant, there was now way escaping that his decision led him into this. It was a let-down, and this risk that he took is the one to remember for the rest of his life.

*

_I left you behind because I was scared of something bigger that even I couldn’t handle. And I didn’t want to be your reason to hate this season, just because I left you for this matter. But someone told me that if you learn to open your heart more to the person you feel the most comfortable with, you’ll feel the pain a little less. It’s because you’re with someone riding the tide with you. And I didn’t want to be the person who leaves you a huge question mark on why I left all of a sudden. So I’m now going to tell you._

_My heart couldn’t handle extreme emotions and such anymore. I just found out that I had the same condition as my mom, and it broke me to pieces the moment I heard that this heart can’t bear too much emotions. It gets weaker and weaker every day, and I don’t know what should I do. And I can’t just tell you that. Because I don’t think my heart can handle to look at your face the moment I’m supposed to tell you this. And I know it’ll leave you in the hurt too. So I just left you last night, and did not think through things clearly._

_But Off, I have to say that if time doesn’t permit for us to meet again, I’d be glad to let you know that you are one of the best things that has ever happened to me. And meeting you will always be a treasure I’d forever keep. Because meeting you, added a new meaning to my life. Your sudden appearance in my life made the brightest of days, the serenest and calmness of night, the melodies silence brings whenever I read your words in your letter, and your company is the safest and freest place I could ever go to. You practically made me want to spend more holidays like this too. And it breaks me because I don’t if I’ll be able to celebrate more holidays in the near future._

_So I guess, this is where it ends? I’ll miss you Off Jumpol. I’ll surely do._

_It was my wish for us to meet before Christmas day, and we did. We actually did. We even met before that, and before, and before. We met in a very unexpected way. And I hope that life will surprise us more as we go along with this life._

_I’ll fight. I’ll try not to falter. If time permits, I’ll be glad to meet you again in a very unexpected time. And in a very odd circumstance. And we’ll just enjoy things._

_But for now, I’ll see you soon, Off. Merry Christmas._

_\- Gun Atthaphan._

Off was panting when he arrived the airport, his hair was disheveled by the wind, and his coat got crimpled on his way down here. He got to argue with the officer on the gates but he still got to pass by. He immediately went straight to the departure board to see whether he missed Gun’s flight.

He was hoping while running, praying that his flight to be cancelled or to be delayed of some sort. He was desperate in wanting to see Gun and lock him in his embrace for one last time because he never got to do so before. He missed his chance and he doesn’t want to miss it for life.

But sometimes life does really play a big shot on us, causing our lives to stir up as the way it pleases. And timing is a huge factor in dealing with all of this.

As soon as he got to the departure board, he just wanted to kneel down and feel his sore legs, that is tired from running all the way up here. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before convincing himself to sink all of the things happening before his eyes. Maybe this wasn’t a merry day after all.

And all he had in mind was this question, and this one question only.

‘How soon is your soon Gun Atthaphan?’

_10:30 Bangkok On-Time_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that concludes this first fic of mine aaaaa i am so thankful to all of those who continued reading this fic aaaa it means a loooooot! You can follow me at my twt @thegiftedghorl, but my posts about my works are posted at @kalatarchive. ~~


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